Winter is here. It has arrived a month earlier than usual…then again, it’s Canada, so no…not really. However, there is something that happens at this particular time of year which seems to affect the whole country. Nope, not snowfall, although that does happen. Lack of sleep? Oh yes, with the time change “Spring Forward, Fall Back” (we are in the “fall back” an hour stage), it gets expectedly unexpectedly dark early. (Ok, that was a weird way of phrasing that we know it’s gonna be dark earlier but we are still surprised when it happens. Read it again. It makes sense.) All I’m saying is that it gets dark earlier and it actually seems to be dark all the time so we all seem super tired and sleepy. Yes, it is a widespread epidemic, but that’s not the epidemic I am referring to. When the biting winds of winter arrive it seems that everyone has a need to fill their bellies with: TIMBITS!
Ok, this is definitely a Canadian illness. It’s a wanton desire. It’s inescapable. It’s contagious. You can go the whole summer without noshing on fried dough, but come the chill of winter your body flips on some invisible switch that makes you desire, nay, voraciously crave something yeasty and luxuriously covered in sugar. Oh sure, donuts have their appeal, but there is something special about a small dough ball that you can pop into your mouth and devour in mere seconds. It’s instant gratification! It’s immediate satisfaction! It’s a bite-sized piece of heaven.
Other areas of the world have their two-bite confectionary creations. France is known for their petit fours and their macarons. How about the Danish aebleskiver? Then there are chocolatey two-bite brownies and flavourful mini cupcakes. Ok, I’m getting all snack-craving crazy. You get the idea. Little treats are good and yummy, but when the Canadian winter hits, we need fried food for sustenance. Sweet is nice, but you need that deep-fried goodness to help you feel fuller, and happier, longer.
Ok, I am prejudiced about these little balls of deep fried joy. Sometimes you don’t want to eat a WHOLE donut. Sure, I love an apple fritter as much as the next person, but sometimes, your tastebuds crave a plethora of distinct flavours. Sometimes you desire a gooey strawberry donut covered in sneeze-worthy icing (powdered) sugar. Want chocolate? Well there is Timbit made especially for you. It’s your birthday! Then there is the birthday Timbit covered in rainbow sprinkles. There is a bite of heaven for everyone!
If I really want to take this to next level, I really think Timbits could lead to world peace. They come in a variety of colours and flavours so they are obviously not racist. When people see Timbits they smile and are happy. They don’t talk about suicide bombing or making war. Timbits are all about making people happy. There is always enough so no one feels left out. They are affordable so there are no economic discrepancies between rich and poor as all can afford to purchase them. Timbits bring out the philanthropist in all of us.
Picture this scenario. It’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon. The day has been laborious and monotonous. People are cranky and hangry. It’s dark outside (yeah, it’s Canada). Suddenly, the wind whistles and howls inside the office as the front door blows open. A colleague has entered, slightly disheveled due to the high winds, and with a precocious smile lifts a small box into the air. The person magnanimously states (almost with a god-like booming voice) “I have brought Timbits.” The carton is delivered into the lunchroom, and placed ceremoniously onto the counter. And with an accompanying smirk of self-importance gleaming upon their face they have completed their glorious endeavour. There is no one quite as special as The Deliverer of the Timbits. Life has meaning again.
Around the office there are whispers of, “Timbits in the lunchroom.” The Good News spreads to the far reaches. Exhausted employees slowly get up and slink off quietly to the lunchroom to grab some little fried balls of sweet energy and euphoric happiness. Words of thanks are heaped upon The Deliverer. The outdoor darkness of the afternoon has been metamorphosised into a kaleidoscope of rainbow Timbit ecstasy. The sugar-hit makes the group cheerful and friendly. Another afternoon of dread has been avoided. All hail the Timbit!
Ok, mayhap there is a wee bit of an exaggeration on my part. Honestly, it’s not that far from the truth. If you don’t believe me, walk into any office, any classroom, any study group, any hospital, any house of prayer, basically any room where there are a group of people milling about and present them with a lovely box of the Tim Hortons Party Pack containing 50 Timbits…various flavours, naturally. Just the sight of the box will have their eyes begin to twinkle, their mouths begin to salivate, and their heart begin to race. No, they aren’t rabid. They are Timbit friendly.