Goodbye … for now

The time passed so quickly.  I look at pictures and see your beautiful smiling face.  You did that all the time.  Your bright smile lit up a room.  Your laughter was part giggle and part ha ha and it always made me smile.  I will miss that smile.  I will miss your laughter.  I will miss you.

You came into my life as a well kept secret.  You had been dating your love, my stepson, for a couple of years before I had even heard about you.  One day, when I heard that you were in town for a visit, I decided I had to meet you.  Being Christmastime, I knew my chance had come to meet the elusive girlfriend.  As I walked into the house I heard your voice.  It was very soft and lilting.  I heard you laugh for the first time.  I turned the corner and saw you.  There you were, sitting demurely on the sofa.  Your long black hair framing your beautiful face.  You looked meek and shy.  I introduced myself.  We exchanged a few words.  Then I went merrily on my way.  I loved you already. Our brief introduction led to a beautiful mother / daughter relationship and friendship.

As months and years passed, I got to know you better and better.  My love for you grew and blossomed.  How could it not?  You were a free spirit.  A happy spirit.  Someone who loved life.

Being part of your wedding planning was such an incredible joy.  Just seeing your eyes shine with happiness and excitement and surprise.  It was wonderful bringing your dream fairytale wedding to life.  Such a stunningly beautiful bride.  An incredibly happy bride marrying her true love.

Then you were with child.  You poor little dear, carrying such a large bundle of love.  Again, I can only be honest and describe you as beautiful…and adorable and cute…a petit large momma.  Pregnancy was not easy, but you loved every minute of it.  You welcomed your beautiful son into the world.

You have been a wonderful wife and mother.  You have been an incredible daughter and friend.  And with your illness there was a new side of you that came out.  You became a warrior.  I have never seen someone struggle through so many challenges and keep such a positive attitude.  You went months at a time in pain with many sleepless nights, yet you were always finding the silver lining.  You would say that “it could it be worse” when I oftentimes thought I would’ve given up and surrendered if this were happening to me.

You were a fighter.  I don’t think I could’ve ever fought as long and hard as you did.  You were my inspiration to see all the good in my life when I took it for granted.  Even when it looked like you might succumb to your illness, you came back stronger, daring fate to come at you again and again.  Your determination, your strong will, your desire to live kept all of us rooting for you and praising your heroics.  There was nothing you couldn’t beat.  Nothing was going to stop you.

Then, in a blink of an eye, everything changed.  Now, you are gone from our midst.  But I like to believe that it’s only your physical body that is gone.

Your spirit is out there somewhere jumping and running and being happy and free.  There is no more illness.  There is no more pain for you.  That is the only thing that makes us try to feel better about having to let you go.

We, the ones who are left behind, are now the ones with the pain and the suffering because we miss having you physically present in you lives.  Our hearts are broken.  We feel such an emptiness, a void that is your absence in our lives.  We miss you so much because we love you so much.

Thank you for being in our lives.  Thank you for changing our lives.  Thank you for all the memories you have given us.  Thank you for loving us.

With love…

Goodbye…for now.