Does your brain have these kinds of thoughts running through it: I hope there isn’t a big line up at the grocery store. Just have to grab a few things and then go home and let the dogs out quickly. I have to drop off my library books because they are due back today. Oh I must remember to get a new battery for my watch. I hope that meat is thawed for dinner. What else should I make with it? Darn, forgot about the dry cleaning. I’ll get that tomorrow. No, drat, I can’t. I need that shirt for tomorrow. I was having a typical crazy day like that. Then something happened. I had to stop at yet ANOTHER red light. Aw….c’mon! This is a long light too! I huffed and puffed and looked at the clock then sat back and looked up. I smiled. I forgot how beautiful the sky was.
So, I sat there at this everlasting, red-light, intersection, and smiled like a crazy person. I saw the puffy white clouds just hanging around. I saw two birds chirping and whizzing about each other, just playing and having fun. Then a bee flew by (ok, I closed my window for that one) but it was pretty. Then I noticed the escarpment and how pretty the trees looked in the afternoon sun. Deep breath and relax. I thought, “I will make it to every place I need to be and everything will be fine.”
I do believe in a higher being. Being Catholic I grew up with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I have read up on other religions as well. There is always a god of some sort. There is something that watches over us and if we actually just believe that everything will be fine, and let this higher being take control, our lives will be easier.
I have found that the older I get the more I realize what is most important in life. I will play and cuddle with my dogs instead of vacuuming. Dust will always be there (and it will outlive me), but spending happy times with those around me is what matters most. I stress a lot less about cleaning.
I used to actually collapse into a dishevelled pile in a corner whenever I just finished cleaning and then found crumbs, again, on the floor. WHY ME! Crazy right? I do think about how my “perfection problem” used to affect everyone. I would want every meal perfect. I would want my house spotless. If something was not going right I would lose my mind and yell at the people I most cared about. Why? Why did I find inanimate objects to be more important than the living, breathing people and animals around me? That was an awakening moment.
Now, if a meal screws up or I run out of time, no biggie. I know that everything will be fine. I will have my internal peace and those people who love me won’t care if everything is perfect. Those that aren’t particularly my biggest fans, well, I realize that I can’t and won’t be everyone’s favourite person. My opinion of myself is what matters most. By loving myself, and who I am, I can’t help but be a happier person and those around me will be happier too (mostly because I won’t be freaking out on everyone).
Sure, I still have my meltdown moments (Wiseguy can attest to that). It usually happens when I think I’m all on my own doing everything. When I remember to look up and see how everything is working out fine for wildlife, I realize that the universe is taking care of me as well, if I would just let it. Have some faith and go with the flow.