summer

Battle For My Blood

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It all began quite innocently. It was a family fun vacation at an all inclusive resort: palm trees swaying in the wind, the sun gloriously shining above, the pool glistening invitingly, the ocean surf roaring in the background. Endless arrays of food and tropical drinks. It was perfect; divine even. That would have been the case had nighttime not arrived and THEY came out to hunt.

Day 1

After a glorious day of frolicking in the water and filling our gullets with wonderful food and delicious tropical beverages, it was time to go back to our rooms to rest and recuperate for tomorrow’s vacation fun. As my niece and I entered our room we noticed that there was a sort of cloud of insects around the light in the back corner of the room. Upon closer inspection, my suspicions were confirmed: mosquitos. I explained to my niece that she had nothing to fear as I had the sweetest blood in all the land and they would not dare bother her. For safety’s sake, I decided that we should leave the light on so that the blood suckers would stay in their corner. I chose correctly, for the following morning not a welt nor a bite was to be seen upon our tender appendages.

Day 2

Ahhhh…another great day of frolicking in the water and filling our gullets with wonderful food and delicious tropical beverages. Time to get to bed and recuperate for the next day’s relaxing adventure. However, upon arriving to our suite my niece had one request. “Could we turn off the light tonight?” I froze. Could my undying love for my niece conquer my colossal fear of mosquitos? “Sure,” I replied nonchalantly. I casually sauntered over to the dimly lit lamp, quickly calculated the number of insects in the flying fog, and prepared myself to be sacrificed.

You may think that my fear is childish and unjustified, however, what one might not know is that I had succumbed to the wonderful illness known as West Nile Virus. It resulted in my breaking out in a rash all over my body which then morphed into walking sideways, the following week, as the illness had transformed into vertigo. Fear mosquitos much Maryann? Now back to the bug-filled-suite at our sunny vacation destination.

I walked resolutely back to my bed, which was actually further away from the murderous bugs, and hoped that I might be spared from any vicious onslaught. It could happen, right? Forsooth, it was not to be.

It began during the witching hour. Shortly after midnight I heard the first bzzzzzzzzz fly by my left ear and then proceed past my right. My hand shot out in defense. Buzzing sounds came again and again from different angles. The battle was about to begin. In order not to wake my niece (who was sleeping quite comfortably and mosquito free, might I add) I turned on the flashlight on my cell phone (clever lady), then proceeded to gasp in horror at the site of the party of mosquitos all over my bedsheet, hovering by the wall, flying above my head under the canopy. There would be no sleep tonight.

I prepared myself for the onslaught. I expeditiously fished out a facial tissue from my purse and maneuvered myself toward my first enemy. She had gently landed just inches away from my left hand. With lightning speed I crushed my adversary. I would have called her my first victim, but alas, that victim was me. The amount of MY blood that came out of her tiny body was horrifying! I shuddered with revulsion and then looked around. So many of them buzzing around me! Ouch! I succumbed to the sting of a bite. That brought me back to reality. Time to wage war!

So the early morning continued with the relentless warfare: me slaying the enemy, leaving their carcasses in the midst of my red life juice, and they, happily biting and savoring my blood. My niece, God bless her, slept through the war cries and the slapping of body parts to ward off the tiny warriors.

Exhaustion hit me after 3 a.m. I removed myself from the blood spattered sheets and tiredly dragged myself to the couch. I lay there defeated. Bumps welling up all over my body. I cowered under the blanket, trying to breathe, but the C02 was overpowering my need for oxygen. Like a turtle, I popped my head out and let sleep wash over me.

When I awoke four hours later I surveyed the damage. I had mosquito bites all over my fingers and toes and arms and legs. Our routine of the glorious day of frolicking in the water and filling our gullets with wonderful food and delicious tropical beverages became a trip to the store to purchase lotions and potions and salves for my poor body. There was also a trip to the hotel’s guest services whereupon a staff member came to our suite with a large can of bug killing spray, leaving a cloud of poison in our room. He was also kind enough to leave the, now half empty, can of toxin for my future nighttime battles.

The rest of the vacation was more uneventful. However, instead of wearing sunscreen I wore bug repellant and bug bite salve. No happy coconut smell there. I was a Walkin’ Toxin. The new evening routine was gassing the room with the poisonous spray then heading out for supper.

I returned home from the family trip with many memories, a plethora of mosquito bites, and perhaps, nasally ingested poison in my lungs. The battle for my blood is one that I shall not soon forget. My niece, beautiful girl, had chosen the best roommate for this trip.

Best laid plans…

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For those who have been reading my blogs the last few weeks, you would have realized that my life has been abundantly full of get-togethers and hang outs and family outings.  Absolutely amazing having so many wonderful people in my life.  It has been dinners and shopping and parties…oh my!  This weekend is something of an anomaly for me.  My huge plan for this weekend does not involve any of the fantastic people I have had the pleasure of visiting with.  There are no shopping plans.  There are no meal plans.  To be honest…there are NO plans!

This morning, as I was enjoying a wonderful breakfast omelette (prepared by Breakfast Man…a.k.a…Wiseguy) I checked out my iPhone’s calendar to see where I was going this weekend and whom I was going to have the pleasure of seeing.  I realized that there were no alerts or dots or anything showing that I had plans.  I had nothing booked.  FIL is away.  Wiseguy is working.  So, according to my calculations I shall be listening to the sound of silence (or some awesome tunes on the radio) as I putter around my (lately) rarely seen home.   I will be King of the Castle…ahem…Queen of the Castle.  My domain!  Me, myself and I (and my puppy loves and barky barks).  So exciting!

So, the first thing I did…well I made plans!  Yeah, that’s a typical error of my ways.  Why wouldn’t I just relax and read a book or something?  No idea!  My mother aways said I have ants in my pants…just can’t sit still.

Yup, I went and wrote a silly list that includes the dull boring stuff of cleaning and dusting.  I got to the exciting part of my list where I start some artsy craftsy stuff.  Oh yeah…made that list so long that, not only could I NOT finish this all in one weekend, but my overexurberance of having all these “fun” things to do will actually exhaust me more.

This was my year of no plans.  It was more of a karma thing.  Anytime I made plans one week or more in advance, something happened.  This was so I could learn to go with the flow I guess.  It was working too.  Having last-minute plans has made my life so much more exciting and eventful.  I have been seeing people I haven’t seen in so long  just because something happened on a whim.  I do still TRY to make plans to see what will happen.  (Little Lucy(fer) puppy ended up having surgery to quash my plans so…back no making plans.)

Maybe I will just rip up my happy to do list.  I will sleep in tomorrow.  I will go for a long walk with puppy loves.  I’ll sit in the backyard and just enjoy listening to the birds.  Maybe I’ll do a crossword puzzle or something.  I will do something different with my weekend of freedom.  I will be lazy…nope, not lazy…I will enjoy NOT doing anything and not visiting with anyone AND I won’t do any type of household work.  There…kind of sounds like an anti-plan of a plan but I am going to challenge myself.

I realize everyone has a “honey do” list or a chore list, but while summer is here, take time for yourself.  Take time to relax and breathe and actually take in the beauty of your surroundings.  That is my plan.  Make it yours.

NOTE:  Karma just came and gave me a kick.  Best laid non-plan…oops foiled again.  On a happy note…Can’t wait to see The Princess and Little Kennie tomorrow who are coming to hang out with grandma and grandpa.  Woo hoo!  Let the togetherness and fun begin! 

NOTE TO SELF:  According to kismet and karma a “non-plan” is still a “plan”.

How hot was it ?

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“It was so hot, that while driving home, I believe my underwear melted.”  This was the comment I made to co-workers back in 2001.  My awesome Toyota Tercel decided that since it was volcano temperature outside, it would be best for my air conditioning to stop working.  Boo hoo for me.

I believe I am a magnet for failed air conditioning systems.  Honestly.  In 2010, on the hottest day of the year, the air conditioning unit in the building conked out.  We needed a new thinga-ma-jiggy.  Since the building was old, the part would hopefully be in, (yes, hopefully) within 2 days.  Luckily, it was ONLY two days.  It was difficult trying to figure out what to wear as NAKED was not an option.  My profession (phone picker upper and paper filer) does not allow for that type of wardrobe.  As such, summer dresses that absorbed all heat related moisture were the winners of those two days.

Flash forward.  The year is 2011.  The place is still the same building.  The inspection at the beginning of spring for the air conditioning:  “Yes, it’s all working well, but your fan might need replacing in the A/C unit”.  Uh huh.  Didn’t get a good vibe off that report.  Now, what do you think happened?  Weather report:  “Heat advisory is in effect for….”   NO!  Not again!  Day one of sweltering summer and….hmmm, all is well.  Air is on.  Coolness in the building.  Great!  Day two…back in the building and internal temperature reads:  Dante’s inferno.  How comforting.  Much better news when repair technician showed up.  He had “connections” so he would be back with the part in the morning.  As in NEXT morning?  Waaaaaaah!

I do realize that it’s that time of year again.  Summer!  How exciting!  Fantastically wonderful for all you sun worshippers and pool owners.  Those who despise our Canadian winters can’t wait for this time of year.

I myself prefer fall.  That time of year when all you need is a light sweater to be comfortable.  There is nothing dripping off the edge of your nose.  There are NO mosquitos.  You rarely get sunburned in the fall.   The foliage changes to such wonderful colours.  You can sit around a campfire and roast marshmallows because it’s not too cold and not too hot.  See, all these positives.  Yay autumn!

So, you summer-loving-sun-lovers…I need you to explain to me WHY this is your preferred season?  I really am trying to find the good points, but losing pints of sweat is not a bonus in my books.  Laying very still every night on my bed, wide awake, as I wait to feel a bit of chill off the ceiling fan on my hot feet.  Even trying to find a cold spot on the bed…that’s like trying to find a parking spot at the mall at christmastime…virtually IMPOSSIBLE!  The thought of turning my stove on…ugh.  The thought of ice cream for dinner is a definite possibility.  At least I am not adding to the unbearable heat.

I am sure I will hear the lecture about the “dry” heat compared to “humid” heat.  Yes, opening my door to leave the house reminds me of opening my oven door…except there is no yummy smell.  It’s a wall of hot air that stifles my breathing.  (This is only comparable to its polar opposite of extreme cold in wintertime.  You know…that first deep breath of cold air that will make your lungs want to collapse.)

Quick flashback…remember the days of yore when there was no air conditioning?  The family would pack up bed sheets and / or the top mattress and bring it all downstairs into the cool, dank basement so that you could get some sleep.  My parents grew up with many siblings and were used to sleeping together in one room.  Ixnay for that working with our family.  There were body odours and the accidentally released (hee hee) gases that would fumigate the room.  BUT…at least it was cooler.  During the day you would pretend to get water from the kitchen sink…then sneak some open- fridge-door-cooling-off time.  My mother could hear that fridge door every time.  You tried anyway and the reward was worth it.  Aaaaaahhhh, cool cool air.

So here we are again.  Extreme heat warning.  Drink lots of water.  Find places that have air conditioning.  Don’t think about the air conditioning at work.  No need to let IT know that summer is here.   Think cool thoughts.  If all else fails, I’ll just keep checking the flyers for sales on underwear.