kindness

Forgive and (maybe forget)…but move on

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Life is interesting.  A simple,  blasé thought perhaps, but true.  Life and the meaning of life is so different depending on where you find yourself on this so-called journey.  Is life about finding the “why am I here?” answer.  Is life about just having fun?  Is life about suffering so that you can live in a wonderful afterlife?  There are many schools of thought.  In the quest to figure out what life is about, I have been introduced to two specific types of people and I have been incredibly lucky to have met both types:  help you and hurt you.  Both of them have provided me with life changing experiences.

Through years of living (lucky me) and having my life journey cross the paths of others, I have learned, I have taught, I have lived.  I have had the pleasure and honour of meeting people that have helped me move forward in a happy direction.  I have also had the displeasure of meeting those that used me, abused me, and discarded me like a piece of refuse.  I am truly grateful to have met both.  Why?

There were those who appreciated me and helped me.  They showed me that there are true “givers” in the world.  These individuals taught me that kindness exists.  There are people willing to unconditionally assist you and help you grow.  There is no need for paybacks or “owe-sies”.  It’s about being a kind human, with feelings of love for their fellow man. A desire to let others grow.

Then there were the selfish folk.  Those who pretended to be there for me, but were really trying to figure out how I could help them out and make their lives better.  It usually ended with me being shocked, injured, scarred, and with a feeling of great injustice.  Lies, accusations, leaving me feeling worthless, dejected, lonely, unloved.   My extreme hatred of them negatively affected me, both physically and emotionally.  Why would I be grateful to these dregs of society?  They taught me to love.  Crazy?  Maybe, but I became a happier person when I learned to forgive and move on with living my joyful life.

Forgiveness…sounds simple but is oftentimes so hard to actually fulfill.  Forgiveness is not about condoning bad behaviour.  Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger and the hate you live with.  Think about it this way, you are hurt and angry and cannot believe that someone you trusted would hurt you.  You hate them and want to ensure that they suffer as you did.  You obsess about it.  How do these spiteful, vengeful thoughts actually hurt them?  Do they care that you are hurting?  No.  Do they feel any of your pain?  No.  Who is actually hurting?  You.  You are holding venom inside you and only damaging yourself.  The ones who betrayed you don’t even think about how they treated you and really couldn’t case less about how you feel or what you think about them.  They used you and then removed you from their lives.  In forgiveness, you are actually freeing yourself.  You are going to let bygones be bygones and go on to live a happier life.  If anything, these transgressors will probably be even more upset to learn that you are happy and are not affected in any way by past incidents.  That is the “giving” part of forgiveness.  You are “giving” yourself freedom; to love, to trust, to find joy, and your own peace of mind.

Those that rejected me were there to teach me that I did not need their approval or love to exist in a happy life.  Loving myself was and is most important.  Letting their misdeeds go so that they didn’t affect me emotionally was critical to my future happiness.  Forgive and forget?  I would forgive.  The forgetting was not something that I would or could easily do.   I truly believed it was important to remember past misdeeds so that in future I wouldn’t fall into the same circumstance …a.k.a. “Life Lesson”.

Thank you to those wonderful people in my life, past and present, who have been there for me when I didn’t have the strength to live by own convictions and beliefs.  You held my hand and guided me out of the muck of negativity that was sucking me in.  You brought me to the surface and breathed new life into my soul.  Words really cannot express my gratitude for having you in my life.

Thank you to the leaches and the soul suckers who made my life miserable.  Your thoughtlessness and selfishness taught me that I am worthy of love from others and especially from myself.  You made me work harder to live my life in the polar opposite way that you live your life.  Thankfully, your kind has disappeared from my life and I am surrounded by beautiful spirits who appreciate goodness, kindness, happiness, and a joie to vivre.  Truly, without my trials and tribulations that you exposed me to, I would not be living the great life that I now live

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C.S Lewis

 

Is That Left or Right?

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I am navigationally challenged.  Yes, truly a surprise isn’t it?  I definitely do not consider myself a “woman driver”.  Sometimes I will go faster than the allowable speed limit.  I have rolled at stop signs.  Such a rebel right?  Wiseguy tells me all the time that I am a woman driver.  Today I thought I would share with you what I think would apply to this stereotype and then we shall vote on whether or not I qualify.  Here goes.

  1. When someone gives you directions while you are driving and they tell you to go south at the off ramp, you ask, “is that left or right?”
  2. A person, of the male persuasion, draws a map for you showing you streets and directions.  You take said map, bring it to a female who, in turn, updates your map with the most necessary words and diagrams.  This includes:  you pass the mall then you go left.  Two lights then right at the gas station.  Past the library and it’s the little white house on the corner with the red car in the driveway.  (a.k.a. Chick Map)
  3. You don’t remember what side your gas tank is on because your husband / boyfriend / friend always fills up the tank for you
  4. You are stuck trying to get out of the mall because of heavy traffic.  You edge in slowly, block traffic and give your most beautiful “sorry, woman driver please let me in” smile
  5. You turn your signal light on waaaaaaaaaaay before you are actually turning off anywhere
  6.  When the brake lights of the car in front of you turn on, you automatically slam on the brakes. 
  7. You end up stalling highway traffic to let someone, driving very slowly, merge in front of you. 
  8. Change a tire?  Never.  Cry for help
  9. You hear an unfamiliar grinding noise.  You turn the radio up to tune out the noise.
  10. Your house is immaculately clean.  Your car will get clean on the outside when it rains.  The grit on the inside will hopefully get blown away when you open the car door.

If you answered YES to some (or most) of these, then welcome to the Woman Driver’s League  (a.k.a the Injustice League). 

We women love to declare that we are great drivers.  Studies have shown that women have fewer accidents, ergo, we are safer drivers.  I shared this information with Wiseguy.  His comment was simple:   “You’re right.  Studies show you have fewer accidents.  Incidentally, it’s your dysfunctional driving that is the cause of them.”  I think he’s absolutely wrong.  He must be.  (Rule of marriage is that I’m always right.  If he is right…well, there are never any witnesses.)

Ok, so maybe, in a wee bitty little way, he could be ….he could be…nope…I ain’t gonna say it, but maybe there is an ounce of truth in this concept.  If people would learn to speed up to merge then I wouldn’t have to be nice and slow down.  Right?  Yup, that’s their fault.  And holding up traffic to let someone out of the mall, that is a kindness as well, and we really be kind to our fellow-man.  Right? 

For now, I’ll just agree to disagree with him on this one.  Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic. 

Me, I have some urgent business to attend to.  Must find a female who knows landmarks for this weekend’s getaway.  Stupid maps   : (