Molto Bene !

About three years ago, I told Wiseguy that we should move to Venice.  No, I don’t speak Italian.  I don’t have any Italian friends.  (I do have some Italian relatives…but I non parlo Italian).  I think Vespas are just the coolest ride ever!  I love any and all pasta dishes.  I have an absolute addiction to pizza.  Your question is most likely, why Venice and not another Italian city? 

Back in 1989, I went on a gondola ride.  I was enamoured with the view of the old, tall buildings.  The gondolier talked about the history of the city.  He pointed out historical landmarks.  He spoke of the Venetians, past and present.  I loved the way we glided slowly through the water.  (Mind you, at that time it, it smelled more like a sewer than the sea.)  I loved how the gondoliers would sing when they got to an intersection to let other gondoliers know that they were approaching.  My mind began to wander.  I imagined myself sitting at one of the cafes sipping a glass of wine, watching all the tourists rush about.  I pictured myself living in one of the apartment buildings.  I dreamt of going out daily to get fresh baked bread.  I would learn the language and speak it fluently.  I would be a Venetian.  The ride ended, but my dream never did.  

Although we haven’t moved to Venice (yet), I never gave up on several of my wishes.  I wished that one day, Wiseguy and I would go on a gondola ride together.  Yes.  So sweet and romantic (and soooo corny…but that’s me)  This year, my wish came true. 

On our trip to Europe, I got to celebrate my birthday in style.  A trip to Venice and a gondola ride.  Molto bene!  I had told Wiseguy many times that he would enjoy the gondola ride.  He had heard that the ride was big bucks and that you floated through stinky, sewer water.  I informed him that,over the past few years, they had been cleaning up the waterways.  I hinted that we wouldn’t know how good or bad it was until we got there and checked it out.  The debate continued.  In the end, birthday wishes (or maybe his curiosity) won out. 

After the long drive from Croatia to Venice, Wiseguy recommended a wee bit of rest away from the crowds.  And there it was.  Wish number two.  We found a little cafe on one of the side streets.  It was away from the din of the tourists.  We had a glass of wine and just enjoyed the peace and quiet.  Our senses also got to enjoy the wonderfully, aromatic smell of fresh pasta sauce as large plates of spaghetti floated by us via waitress.  Even better, the smell of fresh baked pizza wafting through the air.  What a beautiful moment it was.  But I digress.  Time to find us a gondolier!

We wandered back to the centre of the square and saw three gondoliers.  How did we know?  Well, they each had on black pants, a striped blue and white shirt and a lovely straw gondolier hat with a blue ribbon on it.  We picked the middle man and followed him down a side street.  His knowledge of the English language was excellent!  Better still, it had that little lilt of the Italian accent as he spoke.  Melodica voce!  We wound through the little side streets, passing little cafes as we walked.  We got to an opening and there it was.  A shiny, black gondola.  It had metal horses on the sides and large fancy tassles.  There were two velvet covered chairs and a velvet bench seat with a colourful blanket draped casually on it.  We boarded, got comfy, and then we were off! 

Our gondolier, Sebastian, has been a gondolier for 17 years.  His father retired and the horses and pictures and chairs on the gondola were originally from his dad’s gondola.  How wonderful.  He sang out little songs as we neared corners.  He waved happily to his fellow gondoliers,  “Ciao Mario!”  We heard about how Venice is slowly sinking.  We heard about Don Juan and Marco Polo and were shown where they lived.  We heard about how the rich Venetians built churches on every island in Venice.  We heard about the one rich Venetian that wanted to be king.  “Well”, the others said, “off with his head!”  Yikes.  Don’t upset a Venetian!  After about 50 minutes, our cruise was over, but thanks to Sebastian, our memories will last forever. 

Wiseguy really enjoyed the ride.  He told the kids all about his experience and how one day, they must go on gondola ride.  Now THAT should tell you something.

Sebastian, if you are reading this, we purchased a little memento of our visit to Venice.  We named the gondolier Sebastian.

Grazie Sebastian

Give up what ?!!!!

I feel like I am 23 years old.  On the inside.  On the outside, my 43-year old body is telling me a different story.  As we age, there are fun things that begin to happen.  It doesn’t matter if you are male or female, you notice the changes. 

There are expiry dates on body parts.  I truly believe this.  Suddenly ankles seem to make weird cracking noises.  Back pains…upper and lower.  It’s like there is a bullseye on your back.  “Aaargh….Ow….I can’t move or stretch or bend or breathe!”  Nothing like it.  Eye twitches, joint pains, Achilles heals, tendonitis, stiff knees, weird moles, etc. This is the age of “I slept funny”.  Sleeping used to be easy.  Close your eyes and sleep.  Now, you never know what crick you will wake up with the next day. 

I decided to talk to my sister-in-law about making my life healthier.  She is a practitioner of homeopathy, naturopathy, kinesiology, iridology, acupuncture.  Yes, quite the mouthful, but  basically…she knows her stuff!  Anyway, I started a NO chip / chocolate / candy / ice cream / sugar / anything-defined-as-snack-food eating style.  The new “old school” eating style.  Go back to natural foods and include some daily exercise.  SIL recommended that I start off with a cleanse to purge my body of toxicity.  At least 10 days on this cleanse and come out a brand new you. 

So, she sent me a list of items I COULD eat on this wonderful cleanse.  All veggies and legumes, grains, chicken and fish.  Awesome!  Now, over to the right side of the page was the NO list.  No beef or pork.  Fine.  No fruit.  That’s ok, I’m a veggie lover.  No potatoes.  No bread or anything made with yeast.  Done.  And then I saw it and was horrified.  NO DAIRY.  What?  That means NO CHEESE.  This was sacrilege!  She calmly replied:  “You can give up cheese for ten days.”  Me…give up cheese!  NO! NEVER! NEIN! NYET!  I love cheese.  I love cheeses.  I love everything cheesy.  I love Blue cheese. I love Swiss cheese.  I love Cream cheese.  Bocconcini and Jarlsberg and Gouda and Ricotta and Cottage cheese and Mozzarella and Provolone and Fruilano and Parmessan.  I even love Kraft processed cheese slices.  As you can obviously tell….I LOVE CHEESE!  To make matters worse, I have infected my family with the desire for cheese.

It started with The Wiz.  Kraft cheese slices, my goodness.  Fantastic with Kraft Dinner macaroni.  Mmmmm.  So creamy.  Who cares if it’s a leftover scrap cheese made anew.  It is amazing!  He also loves good ol’ cheddar especially shredded on nachos.  Yum!  The Princess and The Debater agree, hands down, that mozzarella is the best (preferably Salerno brand).  They refer to it as  “The Good Cheese”.  That white brick of yumminess never lasts long.  We have even infected the family newbies.  Actually, The Baker just prefers cream cheese, but that still counts.  The Artist is now a renegade Mozzarella fan.

Cheese is the rescuer of many a failed dinner recipe.  Cheese elevates dishes to a new level.  Gooey or creamy…nothing like cheese.  To get nice smiley faces in pictures we tell everyone to say “Cheese”!  Need I say more.

Thank you to the cows or goats or sheep or buffalo that provide this lovely snack / meal.  Thank you to the cheese makers.  You are artists.  You are creators of taste sensations.  Thank you to all the retailers who have decided to sell such varieties to us consumers.  And thank you to my patient sister-in-law.  Although giving up cheese would make my body feel better, you let me be and don’t judge me for my cheese addiction. 

P.S. In the end, I did take my SIL’s advice.  I decided to proceed with the cleanse and forgo cheese for 10 days.  After just 3 days I was feeling more alert and more energetic.  Any bloating I had experienced before was gone.  It was wonderful! I felt great! 

I must be a fast healer.  I accomplished in 3 days what should have taken 10 days.  Time to celebrate my victorious achievement!

Mmmmm….ham and cheese pizza.
Yeasty, white flour dough.
Wood oven baked crust.
Congratulations to me!
Bon appetit!

 

And I called him…Fernando

Being the main chef in the house, I try to ensure that we eat healthy.  I try to incorporate all the food groups:  meat and potatoes.  Well, that is the Wiseguy version of the food groups.  His food group triangle is more of a dosey-doe with carbs and proteins living happily ever after.

I have never been good at reading food labels.  I had no idea what all the percentages meant.  I decided that it was time to shed my winter weight and find my summer me.  That involved finding a diet that would work for me.  In my mind, the word diet always brought to mind the cartoon cat Garfield, as his saying was “Diet is Die with a T”.  Yes, that is how every diet felt.  I would start off great!  Low carbs, working out at least 30 minutes a day, cut back on cheese (waaaah…I LOVE my cheeses), watching my calorie intake.  That was the part I really disliked.  In the past, cutting back too much made me feel so mean because thin people were eating all the foods I loved…pizza, wings, french fries, just to name a few.  After a couple of weeks the cheating would begin.  Yes, I was really cheating on myself and my health, but that didn’t matter.  I was justifying having that extra slice of pizza because I would work it off the next day.  NOT!  And once I fell off the wagon…too late.  I was trampled and dead by all those yummy foods that I decided to just give up.

Next, I went to my local library (yes, I have a library card and at a later date, we shall discuss the amazing benefits of libraries), I signed out at least 8 different diet books.  From the greatly touted Southwest diet to the Skinny Bs diet, to the Mediterranean diet, to the Diabetic diet.  There was one diet book that intrigued me the most. I had flipped through most of them, but I actually took the time to read through this one book.  So impressed was I, that I bought the book.  The G.I. Diet.  At first I wondered what my childhood doll G.I. Joe had to do with a diet, but G.I. stood for glycemic index.  What is that?

Simple…sugar.  Basically, that is what it was about.  The books explains what foods give you that instant jolt of sugar (that leaves you craving more after about 30 minutes) and what foods actually give you sustenance so you don’t feel hungry.  Even more interesting was that you would eat about 6 times a day…almost every two hours.  To make it even easier, they colour coded columns of foods in simple red, yellow, green.  Avoid the red, easy on the yellow, chow down on green.  Cool.  KISS – keep it super simple.

Now add to that my invitation to join Fitness Pal.  The Baker had used it and said that it was amazing.  So she and The Wiz loaded the app on my antiquated iPhone.  You can use it on your computer as well.  That website and Calorie Counter were really an eye opener.  I never realized how many calories were in certain foods.  You type in the food and it shows you how many calories.  With Fitness Pal (this was my favourite challenge) you enter you workouts (be it bike riding or dog walking or zumba) and then you get extra calories that you can eat.  Yes!  Something that will actually let you eat more so you don’t feel deprived. 

Sounds strange, but oftentimes I picked ice cream over a full dinner meal.  I gave myself cheat days, or not.  Eating in moderation is all it really takes and adding exercise to it.  Exercise, (exorcise?) the demon in my life, is what I tell myself I have to do.  Sort of like taking icky cough medicine when you were younger.  To get better you had to do it. 

I know that everyone out there has their favourite way to deal with weight gain or inactivity, but for me personally, this worked.  (I lost 20 pounds in 45 days…yay me!)

My next challenge, which is not as easy, is to get myself and Wiseguy to eat our fruits.  My chef expertise managed to get vegetables into our suppertime menu, but our challenge has always been fruits. 

Neither of us is a fruit eater.  I watch FIL (father in law) eat grapes and apples and bananas with glee and yet Wiseguy and I look at it as a poison chalice.  The thought of a smoothie, though it looks pretty and colourful when done, just doesn’t seem right.  In my mind, I have teeth and should use them to chew my food.  Better still, I really dislike having food caught in my teeth so I NEED to cut my fruit to avoid such agony.  Yes, I agree, I am a Drama Queen about this fruit problem, but I figure at least an ingenious excuse is a good one.

I am back on track now, especially with summer coming.  I have stocked my crisper drawer with delicious (that is their name) apples, granny smith apples, bosc pears, green seedless grapes, blueberries, strawberries, and ripe navel oranges. 

After making Wiseguy’s sandwiches for lunch tomorrow with chicken breast on whole wheat bread, I decided to try and add a lovely round fruit to his lunch mix.  Usually his fruit of choice is an apple because it can last over a week in his lunch box going on his “excellent adventures”.  After the trip is over, said apple comes back to me to either commit suicide in our green bin or to become a gang member in apple streudel or apple pie.  For tomorrow, I have decided to try something new on Wiseguy.  He picked an orange.  Nice, lovely, round, and orangey orange.  Should make a lovely snack for tomorrow.

I looked at that poor nameless orange and thought of all the distance it would be traveling.  Wiseguy is a truck driver and many miles and kilometers are covered in his treks.  I looked at the California orange and thought about how unfair it would be for another long journey across Ontario instead of the United States.  So, I did something that might not seem fair…I named the orange.  Heloooo Fernando.  Enjoy your trek  buddy.  Good luck!  Hopefully, Wiseguy will pity you on your lonely journey and condemn you to death.  Death by healthy eating decree!  Wiseguy…welcome to vitamin C !   (P.S. I actually used a food grade marker and wrote Fernando on the orange.  Perhaps the desire to tell people of “How I Ate Fernando” will inspire Wiseguy.)

If you were on a desert island…

Have you ever played this game?  I remember sitting around with friends and we could go on for hours with this one.  It’s a simple game and you can play it with anyone and it really does tell you a lot about the other person or people.

Here is how you play.  You start off with this question:

If you were on a desert island, what CD would you listen to?  Yes, you only get to pick one CD.  Interesting question isn’t it?  It brings you to pondering what person or band you would or could actually listen to more than once.  Some people answer right away.  Others, well, they would like to know if it can be a soundtrack or just one band.  Can it be a “best of”?  Can it be a box set?  Mind you, we played this game before the world of MP3s so it really was quite a quandry to decide what you would pick to listen to all the time.  What CD would you choose?

Next, what food would you eat?  We would allow up to three foods and of course you get into the silly world of, “yeah, a private jet drops this off to you on a weekly basis and you have a stove and microwave that work and they are solar powered so you can heat everything if you want.”  I know, silly right?  Why wouldn’t the jet just take you off the island?  Duh.  But that’s not the point.  The point is, what food do you like?  And no, you won’t gain a pound no matter what you eat.

From there we would continue to clothing and shoes and books and movies.  See how much fun it can be?

Ok, maybe it was just fun for us because it killed time, but like I said, it really did bring us closer to our friends and their thoughts on things and how they felt about things.

Give it a try one day.  You will be fascinated by what you learn about your friends and family.

(In case you were wondering…..soundtrack to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat / pizza, french fries with gravy, ice cream / men’s dress shirt / crocs (yes, I like them!) / The Talisman, by Stephen King and Peter Straub / The Princess Bride (which includes my favourite line:  “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die!”   haha!  classic!)