I Let A Spider Live…

IT’S FINALLY HERE! SPRING!  One day there are flurries…you know…little white snowflakes falling leisurely from the sky and the next day…BAM!  Flowers are starting to peek out from under the earth.  The warm weather has teased them out of their winter reverie. It has even coaxed us regular human beings out of our winter cocoons (parkas).  Our pale, white skins craving the warmth and UV rays of the sun.  Ah….spring.  The beginning of a new season!  The rebirth of the world! Oh joy!  Oh bliss!  AHHHHHH!  SPIDER!!!!

I don’t know why, but every year I seem to be unsuspectingly shocked when I see the First Spider of Spring.  Yes, I have given it a special, almost regal, title.  There is a plethora of bugs in our world from ants to millipedes to centipedes to mosquitos and earwigs.  Soooooo many icky bugs and so much accompanying scream-time when I see them.  What is it about teeny tiny insects that makes me go to pieces?

I am sure there are many of you who believe I am just being childish or perhaps even overdramatic about my bug phobia.  Well, it’s actually not a phobia.  I don’t fear them.  Let’s just say that I view them in a very unique sort of way.

I have a very vivid and overactive imagination.  I’ve had it since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.  (Note:  that was something else I was terrified of…grasshoppers).  Being an avid reader, I used to read stories about bugs that transformed into ginormous monsters and wreaked havoc throughout the world.  Make believe though it was, those beetle-bugs ended up in my nightmares.

Being a smarty-pants, I also craved to learn new things.  This led to my folly of reading about insects and their livelihoods.  Especially memorable was a children’s magazine where the centrefold was an earwig.  Not a cartoon picture, but a large colour portrait of its grotesque face and it’s hairy tentacles.  *spine-chilling-body-shake*  It’s still there now…burned into my memory bank forever.  I read about how earwigs would crawl into your ear; hence their name.  Greeeeeeat children’s magazine.  Learned soooooo much about how NOT to sleep at night thinking about how an earwig was going to invade my brain space.  UGH!!!!  Why wasn’t there a warning label on that article!  Forsooth, the hazards of being a studious (nerdy) child.  The more I learned about insects, the more I feared them.  The older I got, the louder my screams became.  Cause and effect right?

In order to overcome my fear I learned the importance of shoe-to-bug combat.  We women have these wonderful high-heeled shoes which triangle-tip toes (also known as Cockroach Killers).  These are FANTASTIC at getting Corner Bugs.  What is a Corner Bug?  This is any type of creepy-crawly that attempts to hide in clear view believing that staying in a tight corner will dissuade us from trying to slay them.  They are sly, smart little buggers.  They are also dead buggers once I get my handy-dandy whack-a-bug shoe out.  WHAM!  Deceased bug.

Oh sure, I sound brave, but when it comes to Crunchy Bugs, I cringe.  What is a Crunchy Bug?  No, you don’t eat them.  Well, maybe in some countries you do, but in North America you kill them.  Crunchy Bugs are insects that have a shell to protect their soft little underbodies.  Beetles are a good example of this.  Earwigs (shake uncontrollably with fear) are the BEST example.  (I still shiver thinking about the Earwig Invasion of 2003.)  The first time I saw an earwig it was lazily moving around my window sill.  I grabbed my handy Corner Bug killer weapon and struck mightily at the intruder.  C-R-U-N-C-H!  What the hell was that sound?!   It sounded like I broke someone’s back!  Worse still…it kept moving!!!  What kind of alien insect was this?  As my attempt at insecticide was an utter failure I moved on to plan B.   AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  The loud, girly Damsel in Distress Scream!  That did the trick!  No, the high pitched shriek didn’t do it.  The blood curdling holler got my brother upstairs tout-suite and he whacked it out of existence.  R.I.P.

What happened during The Earwig invasion of 2003?  During spring cleaning I had accidentally loosened the baseboard in my kitchen with my vacuum cleaner and an army of earwigs spilled into my kitchen.  My first reaction was the tried and true Damsel in Distress screaming.  This was accompanied  by the high-cardio left/right leg interval jumping up and down move.  With no one else at home to assist me, it was time for me to come up with plan C to thwart the oncoming assault.  The thought of striking the earwigs and hearing that awful C-R-U-N-C-H left me immobile with fear.  I stood there watching as the parade continued and my honey-coloured tile floor became streaked with little chains of marching black bug bodies.  Serendipitously, I looked at my vacuum cleaner handle and resolutely turned the hose on those pesky varmints.   One by one the imposing mob was sucked up into oblivion!  Well, not oblivion.  It was more like transported to another worldly location…namely my vacuum canister that was in the garage.  I had a Central Vac system.  Oh blessed, happy day!  I just hoped they wouldn’t crawl back out.  I remedied THAT by ensuring Wiseguy emptied the canister.  Good plan Earwig Eraser!  (Oh yeah…superhero name for me that day!)

Years have gone by and I have reprogrammed my fear factor regarding bugs.  It started when I had to be braver than the children.  Oh yeah…when a seven year old screams about bugs Super Mom jumps in to save the day (and hyperventilates behind closed doors afterward).  I learned to C-R-U-N-C-H bugs and like it!  I have annihilated ants.  I have squished and squashed millipedes.  I have smushed spiders.  I have also learned to have some compassion and let fate or luck have a go.  Negotiation.  It’s my newest policy.

Take for example, my AAAAAAAAHHHHHH SPIDER! meeting.  I walked into the bathroom and noticed the brand new icky, beige coloured spider on my wall.  AAAAAHHHHH! reaction first.  Then my pondering on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  It’s spring!  The rebirth of the world and all that jazz!  Shouldn’t the spider get to enjoy this new life?  I debated the amount of time it would take for me to get a weapon to slay this squatter.  Then my imaginative mind went to Charlotte’s Web and friendly spiders, and beautiful webs.  With happy spring thoughts in my head, I looked at said pale spider (obviously lacking sunlight this winter as we all had) and stated, “I am going to leave this room right now, but if I come back and you’re still here I’ll end you.”  Upon my return, it was gone.  I somehow felt pleased.  I also heard voices in my head saying, “ARE YOU NUTS!”  C’est la vie.

Life is like that.  Sometimes you have to break with the norm and do what feels right.  Feeling happy about spring and new life I couldn’t take a life.  Sure, it’s a bug’s life, but some days, when life feels overwhelming I feel like a small bug in a big world.  Maybe one day that same chance at life will be given to me and I’ll be relieved and glad that I had let a spider live.

 

 

 

Oh Joy! Oh Bliss?

Spring is finally here!  How do I know?  Besides the fact that it is April, the last snowfall occurred last week.  NO MORE SHOVELING SNOW!  Also, my doorbell has been ringing consistently, signalling visitations from lawn care services.  Uh huh!  And yes…I did hear a few lawn mowers powered up today!  Spring is finally here!  Hurrah!  Joy!  Bliss!  Bzzzzzzzz.  What?  Bzzzzzz!  My yearly dreaded visitors have arrived as well.  Oh joy…oh bliss?

Our beautiful, first warm day was 24 degrees celsius (or a balmy 75F).  The air was warm, the sun was shining, the grass was green, and the birds were singing.  Tulips and daffodils are popping up around the neighbourhood.

IMG_2838Hazzah!  We can open our windows again!  I decided that it was time for me to meander around my backyard and enjoy breathing in non-frigid air.  Spring!  A time of renewal and rebirth.  Spring is also the time that I steel myself to become a Warrior Princess!

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No swords, but many a facial tissue, reliable flat shoe, or any other item that might slay my evil spring foe…the beige house spider.

Ewwww, ewwwww, ewwwwwww!  I’ll be honest, sometimes I will negotiate with the spider, “I will leave this room and come back in ten minutes.  If you are still here, then your life is over.  Your call!”  Crazy?  Maybe, but they really are good at eating little flies (which I also deplore) so it’s more like a negotiation for cohabitation.  Bugs are a fact of life, but the bane of my existence is the diminutive, annoying, buzzing, carnivore…the mosquito!

I consider myself a happy…super happy…ok, Pollyanna-happy type person.  I have consciously decided to find the good in everything; the silver lining, so to speak.  Yet, after that wonderfully, warm, spring day, I discovered something new upon my person that thwarted my normal “happy-go-lucky” days.  Bites!!!  Awful, itchy, little red welts around my ankles.  Yes, both ankles.  I showed Wiseguy my ‘skeeter’ (a.k.a. mosquito) bites and he said, “There are no mosquitos out yet.”  An easy claim for someone who NEVER, EVER, EVER, gets bit by mosquitos!  I am not only his wife, but his mosquito repellent.

My father once told me:  “Once you have been bitten by mosquitos 50 times they will stop biting you because you have so much venom in your body that your blood isn’t appealing anymore.”  Well guess what dad?  I tested that theory one year.  I had 63 bites.  You know what else?  They were still biting me!

I truly believe that I have some super sweet, absolutely amazing blood that attracts these buzzing little vixens to me.  Vixens?  Yes, only female mosquitos bite and suck blood.  You can read all about it, but I’ll summarize it for you:

  1. Females are the vampires
  2. Males prefer fruit juices
  3. Females also go for fruit juice; the blood is to feed eggs – 200 eggs!!!!!  Guess whose kids love me too?
  4. Eggs are jacuzzi-ed; drain every water puddle around you to avoid mosquitos!

Back to my original itchy horror.  Wiseguy said I didn’t get bit by mosquitos.  I have an ankle (oops…two ankles) with lumpy bite marks.  My pups don’t have ticks or fleas.  I have seen flea bites and what I have are not flea bites.  I know what a ‘squito bite looks like and feels like.  Again, I am their main blood donor.  I should just get a t-shirt that says:  Mosquito – Blood donor clinic open.  Yes, I am feeding the mosquito population; not by choice, but by popular demand.

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Did I ever mention that I had this wonderful disease called “West Nile Virus“?  Oh yes, my popular buzzing friends decided that I needed to take some time off work.  So, I received a wonderful bite from my local mosquito friend and it felt different from my usual experiences.  True enough, a couple of days later I started getting a rash.  It spread from my legs to my neck within two days.  I went to one hospital and said, “I think I have West Nile virus.”  I was told (after three hours and no tests) that I probably had a reaction to a strawberry I had devoured.  Note:  I have no food allergies.  They sent me home.

The itchy red splotches did not go away.  After a week, I found that I suddenly could not walk straight.  I was leaning left.  Emergency unit again, but a different hospital.  “You have vertigo,” said the nice doctor.  “I think I have West Nile virus,” I declared when she asked about the rash.  “Probably pesticides on strawberries or blueberries,” she proclaimed.  Hmmmm….why would no one believe me?

So, after two weeks of being off work, I needed a note from my family doctor which would state I was able to return to work.  She looked at all the new notes in my file, “Wow,” she laughed, “you’ve been busy.”  “I think I had West Nile virus,” I declared.  “Did you get tested?” she inquired.  I relayed my requests to be tested and lack of action and so SHE made sure I got tested.  Guess what?  Booyah!!!!  West Nile virus!  I did have it! Okay, it wasn’t good that I had it, but I was so thankful that:

  1. Someone believed me
  2. Someone tested me
  3. I WAS RIGHT!!!  (yes, many exclamation points, but so important after nobody believed me and I had physical proof!)

Moral of the story:  Skeeters, ‘squitos…they are VAMPIRES!

Pollyanna version:

  1.  I did need a break from work – rashes / vertigo are a solution
  2. I have the bestest, sweetest blood around!  Why wouldn’t those blood suckers seek me out.  Oh joy!  Oh bliss?

Spring is here and the flowers are blooming…

After the longest winter ever (which is the exact same thing I thought after the winter before this winter), the snow is gone, the windows are open and our pale bodies are getting solar shock waves.  Yes, spring is here!  Spring, poetically, a time of new beginnings.  After many months of dormancy, we creep out from under the dark skies to see bright sunlight, blue skies filled with puffy clouds, blossoming buds on trees, green grass, and…most naturally…weeds.  Oh yes…the wonderful crab grass, “creeping Charlie”, and most wonderful of all…the enormous fields of dandelions.  Those yellow-headed tormenters of every human pining for that perfect, blue-green grass yard.  Dandelions (apparently from the French for “dente de lion” (translation:  lion’s teeth).  Those ugly, pesky, weeds with those teeth-like leaves, milky sticky stems.  They sway in the wind, laughing at us as we take to spade and shovel…digging up their roots…hours on end.  Those awful…wait a minute.  I just had a change of heart.  Don’t those yellow, sunshiney weeds…ahem…flowers, make the most beautiful bouquet?

After looking at my yellow-punctuated lawn, I decided that I was too tired to deal with weed pulling.  I could do it tomorrow right?  (Dandelions, like rabbits, multiply at an incredible speed.)  What was one more day?  Once done cleaning out my lawn, I am sure the seeds from neighbouring lawns will immigrate over to my place.  Why not? Grass is always greener on the other side…especially if you’ve dug out your weeds.  I entered my home and saw a glass sitting on the counter.  It was full of dandelions.  Oh yes.  The outdoor came  indoor just to taunt me.  Little Kennie came running out of her room, “Look at the beautiful flowers I picked for mommy!”  she exclaimed proudly.  Suddenly, those weeds became a bouquet of roses.  If I could somehow copy the view of a child and transform it into glasses for adults, I believe I could achieve world peace.

That exuberant comment from a five-year old brought me back to when I was a youngin’ (a few years ago).  I recalled how my brother and I went picking EVERY dandelion in our yard.  Knowing what I know now, I’m sure my mother was initially fuming as all the roots were still in the ground meaning she would have to go out another day, after they rebloomed, to dig out the roots of those weeds.  But on that day, a miracle happened.  My mother gave us both big huge hugs and thanked us for the beautiful flowers.  We were ecstatic at her happiness and we were thrilled that we had thought of something so wonderful to make her happy.  (I know it sounds weird that we found a beautiful vase to put them in… an old stubby beer bottle… but if you grew up European, it wouldn’t really surprise you.)

It’s funny, but I remember that day so clearly.  We didn’t have money to buy nice stuff for mom.  We took time, we picked carefully, we displayed them lovingly, and that hug was incredibly memorable because there are lots of memory gaps about my childhood (probably a good thing).  Having Kennie beam about her beautiful bouquet,  brought me back to my memories of trying to please my mother and those dandelions actually did the trick.  That also got me thinking…who deemed them weeds?

Nowadays, you hear about dandelion salads.  So, the lion’s teeth are actually good for you.  Wine is made from dandelions as well.  So, it must be a good thing right?

My other funny thought as I write this, is my nephew reading an article about angels reporting to God about people killing his beautiful flowers and trying to have strips of green grass.  Funniest part was how they fertilize their lawn and then complain about how they have to cut the grass all the time.  Yeah…that’s crazy.  God asks what’s wrong with his flowers?  “They are weeds,” say the angels.  Well, LOL…I think it’s an amusing story. It kind of makes me want to find out what company decided that green grass was better than beautiful golden flowers.  Not only are those flowers bright and happy, they transform into toys as well.  Once the dandelion is done being a happy royal yellow, they dry out and become little puffy white clouds that, as children, we loved blowing off the stem to see how far they would fly…like bubbles.  Again I ask myself…why do we hate dandelions?

For the record, I find the thoughts and views of children very refreshing, invigorating, and absolutely honest.  I love asking children questions and I love challenging their ideas to see what new idea they will come up with.  They are smart, creative, naïve, brilliant.  I lost my rose coloured glasses awhile ago.  Growing up and dealing with belittlement, sarcasm, sabotage, and many other wonderful adult traits, I keep myself fresh and young and happy by listening to those who know the way the world really works.  Youth, who have not yet been tainted by overbearing adults, have wisdom that we adults do not have.  Don’t get me wrong.  Children need rules and guidelines, but creativity should be encouraged.  We adults forget that we need time for fun.  Work is there to pay bills.  Don’t live for work.  Work to live.

I, the regular adult me, is writing my “To Do” list for tomorrow.  It includes, grocery shopping, vacuuming, cleaning, dusting, paying some bills…you know..regular adult stuff.  After my Big Girl chores are done, I believe Kennie and La-la and I will wander around the yard and pick a beautiful bouquet of bright yellow flowers for mommy.  Flowers mean love.  Beautiful, golden, hand picked flowers are the most wonderful gift a mother can receive.  Roses, though beautiful in a vase, cannot replace happily, hand-picked, chosen, golden yellow dandelions in a glass.  That is true love.

Today’s Innocence Wish:  May you look at your golf green lawn and appreciate the uniqueness, hardiness, and beauty of the hearty dandelion.  It will NEVER leave you.  It will always gleam happily yellow daily and once it’s done its daily duty, you can kick it happily and watch the grey wispy puffs float high and joyously into the sky.  Hmmmm, kind of like life.  When you’re young, you are loud and proud…bright and yellow and glowing with life.  As you age, you weaken.  The brightness  fades.  You begin to soften.  Those who appreciate you see that you still have the wisdom and wings to fly.  A light blow of encouragement.  You leave your regular residency and move to a new adventure, unknown as you blow away in the wind.  Child’s game?  Wisdom of youth?  Freedom of age?

Yes, deep thoughts about a simple scourge on society or am I being very dramatic about something so simple.  Hmmm, drama makes life interesting and being a grandma of four, life is definitely going to be interesting.  Not only interesting, but educational.  Oh yes.  I believe strongly in education.   Those youngin’s are going to teach ME a lot about weeds and flowers and, I am sure, many other things.  I will teach them, and/or challenge them, but I will also include lots of hugs and kisses because that’s what grandma’s do.   (As they get older, it becomes kryptonite so use it often in their younger years).

I will sign off with this piece of advice:  None.  One thing I learned; never offer advice to parents.  I will only say this:  Remember where you came from.

P.S. (oh…by the way…Kennie has a younger sister and her nickname is La-la thanks to her same age cousin…another new cast member a.k.a. St. Luke)

P.P.S.  Woo hoo!  As I finish this article, I would like to introduce yet another contributor.  He is a little young, two day’s old, but I know he will become as prominent as the others.  Welcome newbie GTH.

On Your Mark, Get Set…JUMP!

Every fall season seems like a new beginning, at least to me it does.  Many people tend to disagree with me as the natural and most popular rebirth season is spring.  You know, the whole winter thaw, new flowers bloom, trees start to get their leaves, the birds come back from winter hiatus. Although the season after summer has its own life beginning and life changing intrigues, please ponder the following.

A four-year old child.  This child has been at home or at a daycare.  Turning four means that they are going to big people school, a.k.a. kindergarten.  School all day.  There are activity tables that can be comprised of any of the following:  drawing, painting, water, crayons.  There are dolls so they can play house or doctor or whatever else pops into their little four-year old minds.  There is a teacher.  There are other kids who will be playing with them and calling them “friend”.  There are crafts that they will do with their teacher.  Scary?  A little.  It’s different from the usual.  Exciting and a little overwhelming, but they are ready to jump in.

Transition again from kindergarten to grade one.  Very different.  Your own desk and projects to do.  There is this thing called homework.  There will be tests.  Will you still have your kindergarten friends in your class or will there be new people?  Ready, set…jump in.

Let’s go higher up….grade 8.  Last year of middle school.  After this year there is a progression to high school.  What will your last year be like?  You are a senior…in middle school anyway.

Minor Niner.  Welcome to high school.  Quite a traumatic experience as there will be many new students and many of your old friends won’t be in your classes this year.  There are semesters and many more tests and challenges; especially the desire to fit in.  This will all be recorded in the yearbook.  What courses should you take?  Where will go after high school?  University?  College?  A trade?  A job?  Again, many decisions.  Life through school is very nerve-wracking.  It’s determining who you are.  Many people will be there in the shaping and moulding of your life.   You won’t realize it at the time, but looking back, you will see who and what influenced your life.

Now, let’s say you didn’t finish high school.  Where did your life take you?  Did you go into the workforce?  Did you travel?  Did you move out on your own from the house you grew up in?  What made you take a leap of faith and move into the direction you moved?

It’s fall again.  The older I get, the more I want to take more time for myself and my dreams.  I believe I am in the fall of my life.  There are brilliant explosions of colours (my desires) running through my mind.  There are changes I want in my life.  There are things I was always afraid to do because I thought I would be criticized or laughed at.  It doesn’t matter anymore.  Now, it’s my opinion of myself and my self-love that will make me succeed.  Fear of failure?

Failure now has a new definition. To me the definition of failure means that I didn’t try something new as opposed to trying and not having it end up perfectly.  Perfection is quite subjective.  Depends on who is looking at it.

In the fall of my life I have decided to take a job that would put me much farther from home.  It’s a position I have some knowledge about, but there will be much new learning.  Excited?  Absolutely.  Scared?   Strangely, not really.  I am totally confident in my ability to learn.  I know that I can do anything.  There is no fear of failure.  Is that a bad thing?  I am not sure.  I know when I used to perform on stage the nervousness before was part and parcel of a good, confident performance.  Over confidence usually meant something would go wrong.  Is that the same with jobs?  Perhaps.  I am not afraid to ask for help.  Pride is the only thing that could hurt me.  I like my new vision of life and all that change can hold for me.  The need to try new things is exhilarating instead of frightening.  I am happy to have swallowed my dreaded fear of failure.

I am certain that with change there will be hurtful experiences in my life.  Daring to try new things, even if it means failure, proves that I  have stepped outside my comfort zone and into the realm of the adventurous.  My desire to learn and experience new things is keeping my life exciting and exhilarating and that is how I believe life should be lived.

Hurrah for me!

On your mark…get set…jump in!

 

Spring in my step

Ahhhh, smell those lilac blossoms!  Look at all the colours of the leaves on the trees.  Such variety!  Deep green and subtle purple and bright yellow and crimson red.  A dragon fly just whizzed by my head.  Little butterflies floating around too.  Seems like they were gone for a few years and now they have all come back to welcome spring.  I see birds flying in couples, building their nests.  What is there NOT to like about spring?

Ok, some may say that the rainy days of spring are a downer, but once you see all the growth and beauty around you, how can you not love the arrival of spring?  This is especially true of anyone living in Canada.  After months of cold and shoveling piles of snow, the arrival of spring finally means we can open our windows and we can wear sandals and we can wear shorts.  Yes!  As soon as it hits 10 degrees celcius (50 on the fahrenheit scale) we are out there showing off our mighty whitey legs.  Pasty?  Oh yeah, nothing like pasty white legs to repel the sunlight.

Spring really is about renewal.  There are so many sounds that have returned, that were gone for so long.  The morning chirping birds…those wake me up now because of their cacaphony every morning.  But I love hearing them chatter with each other.  The sound of lawnmowers is a daily constant in the neighbourhood.  Then there are the new sights and smells.  We can actually wake up to sunlight instead of that eternal darkness we seemed to have experienced for months.  The clouds seem whiter and brighter.  The smell of grilled fare on the BBQ wafts through the air.  Critters have come out of hibernation.  The squirrels are out and about and playing Russian roulette in traffic.  The skunks have reappeared too.  I haven’t seen them, but my nose tells me they’re back.  (Pepe le Pew for sure!)

Spring, even though it’s a noun for this season of the year, I find the verb quite appropos as well. It’s synoynous with leaping, skipping, bounding, hopping.  Yes, that’s how I feel about this time of year.  I see the smiles on peoples’ faces and believe they agree with me too.

So, don’t be surprised if you see a lot of white-legged, hopping, jumping skippers out there.  It’s SPRINGTIME after all!