I Am A Stripper…

Yes it’s true.  I am a stripper.  I became a stripper three days ago.  It wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.  I should’ve started each day with a warm up.  I am using muscles I haven’t used in many, many, many, millennial years.  Sometimes you have to do what is necessary.  I am reaching up high.  I am bending down low.  Squats.  I thought this only happened at the gym with a tough trainer, but here I am doing squats and hating it.  My hip joints are yelling at me.  My shoulder muscles (whatever they are called) are talking to me “Keep it up!  Great job!”  Yep.  Oh!  On top of that I am looking at my accomplishments and I am not that impressed.  Oh, by the way, being a wallpaper stripper is not as easy as you think.

BAHAHAHAHA!  Ok, my tagline of “stripper” was just a draw, but I was serious and honest.  I have been assigned the task of stripping…wallpaper.  This hideous, super-glued paper that has been the bane of my existence.  I have never been a wallpaper person as I have heard the tragedies from friends about the horrendous job of trying to remove said demon paper.  You know what?  They were and are RIGHT!

Wiseguy and I moved into a house with many levels (three) and many…ahem…interesting quirks.  That’s a nice way of saying, “Holy Sh**!  How did we miss that??!!”  This is where I am going to be very honest.  W and I didn’t really pick this house.  FIL (father-in-law) loved it.  He said this would be the perfect place for all of us as he was moving in with us.  (This will be a story (novel) for another day.)  However, we love this neighbourhood and were have great neighbours and there are many other locational benefits.  BUT…this Pandora’s box of a house has been…let’s call it an interesting boxing match.  Hubby and I get relaxed in our home and the house suddenly  says:  “Hey!  It’s freezing outside!  No water for you!”  Yup, our pipes froze.  Hubby punched a hole in the wall and once the copper piping was exposed the water flowed.  Good.  All was well and then…

Basically, our “home” has a personality.  (Seriously, I have worked hard to find the silver lining).  So, when it came to the removal of the wallpaper I knew it was not going to be easy.  I was ready.  I was armed with “Friend” knowledge and with “Google” knowledge.  I was going to prove to Wiseguy that I could do this!  Woman Power!

I am NOT a Renovationator!  I am a wannabe.  I am nowhere near being that reliable person to remove wallpaper.  Honestly, I even thought I would write a proposal to federal prisons and suggest that a good method of ensuring that offenders would never re-offend would be to make them remove wallpaper dating back to the 1950s.  I am sure anyone who has moved into an older home can agree with me.  Those in prison might also agree with me.  The desire to actually take a Thor hammer and demolish the wall is WAAAAAAAAAYY easier than removing this clinging wallpaper.  I digress.  Let me take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.

We have lived in this house for thirteen years.  There have been many changes and upgrades done to this house:  New roof (shingles), siding, eavestroughs, soffit.  New air conditioner.  New furnace.  New windows.  New kitchen.  New wood floors.  New bathrooms.  New driveway.  New bedroom mattresses.  Back to new kitchen because it includes new appliances including Wolf stove, Wolf toaster, Wolf toaster Oven.  Wow!  There are so many things to be grateful for!  Seriously grateful for!  The silver lining in this laborious new work is that once all the irksome wallpaper has been removed we are going to paint the walls with a beautiful new colour and make our house even more of a wonderful home.  In fact, tearing the wallpaper down is not actually a bad thing.  It’s a very good thing right?  Which means that being a stripper of said wallpaper is a job that I should be applauded for!  Yes! Yes! Yes!  It’s good to be me!

Then again, I could be delusional and I actually am in hell (or prison) and my punishment is to try and remove this horrific flowered paper that seems have been glued on with Gorilla Glue.  I will be needing physiotherapy as I am slowly losing the ability to put my hands over my head due to the usage of muscles that I have not used in about 40 years.

Progress Report:  As you can see from the scene below, it really does look like Alcatraz!  Except for the cute puppies.  (This could become a good “rescue dog” video).

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MORAL OF THE STORY:  There may be hard times facing you.  It may seem impossible and overwhelming.  Little by little, and with lots of good thoughts (and/or good music) you can tackle any (seemingly) impossible job.  You can do it.  You will do it.  Believe in yourself.  Love yourself.  Conquer those self-doubts and you can do anything.  Even become an accomplished (wallpaper) stripper.

 

 

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