It’s all in the delivery…

Everyday life is entertaining.  Today, I am here to share with you a short story of a real life event and the jangledness (my new dictionary word) of my brain in computing the meaning of everyday sentences.

It was a day like any other day; only it wasn’t.  I awoke perceiving this day to be like an ordinary uneventful day, but that changed very quickly into a forever-etched-in-my-memory day.   Why?  I had heard something, thought I had misheard it, then realized I had heard it correctly and proceeded to laugh, doubling over in the agony of unceasing laughter.  Now that you are befuddled, let me draw you into this wonderful world of my brain and how it works.

My niece came to visit me.  This was kind of new, but not especially, as she has visited in the past.  Her husband came along.  That was new, but it really has no relevance to my story.  She has a three year old daughter (sooooo cute and dramatically delightful), and a 6 month old son (yummily adorable) and they were there too.   It is due to my niece’s desire to make her little girl happy, that my humdrum day morphed into a positively hilarious day in a matter of seconds.

It was a Sunday.  Actually, it was Easter Sunday.  My niece and her family were visiting and we were just finishing up eating lunch when my niece began telling me of a wonderful place to buy and sell items.   It is on Facebook.  It’s a section called Marketplace.  Basically, you post pictures of stuff you want to sell, or you search for items you would like to buy.  Neat!  She then continued to share the joyous tale of how she had scored a great buy for her adorable little daughter.  A coveted, two-foot high doll that she bought for a remarkably incredible price.  And this, dear friends, is where my ordinary, uneventful day, went from zero to hero in seconds flat.

First, I need to tell you about the most coveted doll in North America.  The original doll was called the American Girl doll.  This two-foot wonder costs anywhere from $80.00 to $300.00 or more.  She has outfits you can purchase for her (also stylishly and heftily priced).  There are things your child and the doll can do together like go to the Hair Salon.  Oh, the styling is not for your child, it’s for the DOLL to get HER hair done.  There are spa features and parties you can plan for your doll; for a nice little price.  What little girl wouldn’t want this super cool doll with a whole new life-style of her own?

With the fantastically great sale of this toy it was only a matter of time until the copycat dolls were rolled off the assembly line.  These little beauties were priced a wee bit lower than their original counterpart.  Finding a good deal for this doll was (and is) quite a challenge.  Enter Facebook Marketplace.

As my niece was perusing items for sale on Facebook Marketplace she noticed a pretty doll, similar to the American doll called a Journey Girl doll.  Asking price?  $3.00.  Wha-what???  Was this a posting error?  Why so cheap?  Well, my niece had to check into this deal.  After contacting the seller she discovered that the price was correct.  The lady selling the doll was moving to another country and did not want to pack and ship all the kids toys.  Some things just had to go.  So the lady confirmed that the Journey Girl doll was for sale for $3.00.  Well wonder of wonders and call her Super Mom, because my niece was gung-ho to get this doll for her beloved little toddler.

“I couldn’t believe the deal I got!” explained my niece excitedly.  “But then when I got there I realized why the price was so low,” she paused, took a sip of her coffee, “she smoked.”

“Ummmm….what?”  I asked, stupefied.  My brain heard the sentence.  My brain was computing the statement and then my runaway train mind ran off the rails as it pictured the innocent little Journey Girl doll with a cigarette dangling from her bottom lip.  My lips began to quake.  My eyes began to water.  My belly shook like a bowl full of jelly.  I was laughing hysterically; internally.

“Are you ok?” inquired my niece.

“BAAAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAA!” I guffawed out loud and took a huge intake of breath.  (*inquisitive look from my niece*) I shook my right hand back and forth in the air, as I gasped for oxygen.  I needed to explain what was OBVIOIUSLY so funny because apparently she had not heard it.

Oh, yes, I knew she meant the person who “smoked” was the lady selling the doll, but read that sentence over again and you can see why my addled brain took the road to that funnier conclusion.

After I finally composed myself into an almost normal human being, I retold the story to all those present.  The gentlemen in the room agreed with my interpretation and the LOL-ing continued.  My beloved niece lowered her eyes at us.  The look of “it’s not THAT funny” being understood.

That tale reminds me of something else I read.  I hope you enjoy this one as much as I do.

Wife:  Honey, please go to the supermarket and get a carton of milk.  If they have bananas, get 6.

Husband returns with 6 cartons of milk.

Wife:  Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?!

Husband (confused):  BECAUSE THEY HAD BANANAS

Um…yeah.  Get it?  Got it?  Good.

So, next time remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it.  It’s all in the delivery.

Pizza delivery and smiling faces…

The day started off dismal.  It started with droplets of rain.  The drive to work was a staring contest.  No eye blinking just in case someone slammed on their brakes.  Stop, go.  Stop, go, speed up, get excited about time gained…slam brakes.  Yup, one of those mornings.  I had enjoyed my weekend and decided that 5 hours sleep would be fine.  Nope.  After 40 years of life those hours of sleep suddenly become diamonds in the rough…sought after desires and rarely achieved.  This was how my sad misadventurous day began.

It was Monday.  As all Americans know, Monday is the worst day of the week.  It is blabbed about, gossiped about, ruled as the “worst day of the week”.  Everything bad happens on Mondays.  Even if you had a wonderful weekend full of relaxation or fantastic outings, the coming of another work week puts many people into a foul mood.  Why?  Very simply…negativity.

Being a school teacher, back in the early ’90’s, I learned how to praise children (not condemn), I learned that I received more positive feedback from the children when I had good things to say instead of constantly nagging about the bad things and the errors they had made.  Now, if school is supposed to prepare our children for the real world, shouldn’t we be telling them that they aren’t performing to their full capacity?  Is it not our job to tell them that although they have an 8 hour workday, they should work longer (with no extra pay) because they take pride in their work and it’s not about money?  As responsible adults, we should tell them that their failure is much more memorable than anything they have accomplished?  Failure leads to more memorable gossip and makes everyone else feel better about themselves.  Yes, there should be a “Reality Course” for young children, middle class children, and high school children.  NOT!

The most wonderful experience with teaching children and being around children is their genuine optimism.  Yes they have their cranky days when their hair isn’t right or the shirt you pulled out for them is NOT what they want to wear.  Devastating isn’t it?  I personally love hearing what children find sad and what makes them happy.  We grow up and forget what our naive youthful selves used to find wonderful.  Let’s explore.

Weeds?  Nowadays I can’t find a strong enough poison to kill dandelions.  As a child, that was the bouquet of roses that I presented lovingly to my mother.  Clover?  Well, look for the four-leaf clover for luck right?  Nope, try to mow it down and make it go away.  Sand?  Don’t get me started.  The gift that keeps giving right?  All over the house, in their body cracks…it spills out constantly.  Mud?  Oh my…another phobia…until I saw little 1 1/2 year old La-la sit in the dirt, bucket and shovel in hand.  Pretty useless since she really wanted a mud bath.  Oh yeah…that child was warrior ready, with mud all over her hair and face and body.  Also, she was very happy of her accomplishment.  Which brings me to my accomplishment on a Monday.

After a nice, happy weekend, Monday was here and it was time to commute to work and begin another frantic, hectic week.  Many deadlines and too many items to have done with a limited timeline.  Usual week.  One of the weird items to be done on Mondays is to order food for new trainees.  Not a big job.  As long as my internet connection is top speed it goes well.  Often, it does not work.  No surprise, but having it work well makes me happy.  (Yes, lower my expectations and the little achievements are like climbing Everest…sorry climbers).  This Monday was no different as I rushed to click and order.  Regular job day, but the result was different.

As delivery man showed up, I had the pile of food placed on a table.  I had the credit card ready to process.  I gabbed and smiled and laughed with the delivery man…no point in dragging him into my drama day.  He had been delivering here for the last two Mondays.  I thanked him for the hot food and delivering on time and he said, “I like delivering here.  You always have such a big smile and it makes my day.”  Wha what?”  I thought.  I know I try to make everyone feel comfortable and even on a bad day I try not take it out on others.  For some reason, having a total stranger tell me that I made their day, made me forget about my miserable day.

I made the conscious effort, yet again, to find the positive in my day.  Many of us are overworked.  Our jobs and perfection at our jobs debilitates us.  We curse ourselves and berate ourselves when things go wrong.  That idea of perfection…who actually defines it?  We are our worst critics.  We are our hardest judges.  We…need to stop criticizing ourselves and find the things we do well and pat ourselves on the back.  We are our own worst enemy or our own best friend.  It is up to us (ourselves) to decide our life worth.

Today I thank Pizza Delivery Guy for giving me a simple compliment.  He really did mean it and I really did appreciate it.  It’s nice to know that compassion and camaraderie still exists.

Scene opens: (Doorbell rings)

Wiseguy:  Hey nice to see you again!  (he and pizza delivery guy practice new words in a European language)

Pizza Delivery Guy:  Yes we have been very busy.

Wiseguy:  Thanks!  See you soon!

Pizza Delivery Guy:  Yeah…see you next week!

(Note 1:  PDG says next week.  Pizza delivery is NOT a weekly thing.)

(Note 2:  Ok, it is a weekly thing and we love pizza and our PDG is a super nice guy.  Nuff said!)

Wiseguy and I are appreciative of all things around us.  We do appreciate helpful people and we let them know it.

As for my pizza guy, thanks so much for making my dismal Monday a memorable day for me.  It’s nice to be appreciated for something as simple as a smiling face.  : )

P.S.  Wiseguy’s Pizza Guy and my Pizza Guy are two different people in two different cities.  Any situations and similarities are coincidental.  Names have been changed to protect the innocent.