Everyday life is entertaining. Today, I am here to share with you a short story of a real life event and the jangledness (my new dictionary word) of my brain in computing the meaning of everyday sentences.
It was a day like any other day; only it wasn’t. I awoke perceiving this day to be like an ordinary uneventful day, but that changed very quickly into a forever-etched-in-my-memory day. Why? I had heard something, thought I had misheard it, then realized I had heard it correctly and proceeded to laugh, doubling over in the agony of unceasing laughter. Now that you are befuddled, let me draw you into this wonderful world of my brain and how it works.
My niece came to visit me. This was kind of new, but not especially, as she has visited in the past. Her husband came along. That was new, but it really has no relevance to my story. She has a three year old daughter (sooooo cute and dramatically delightful), and a 6 month old son (yummily adorable) and they were there too. It is due to my niece’s desire to make her little girl happy, that my humdrum day morphed into a positively hilarious day in a matter of seconds.
It was a Sunday. Actually, it was Easter Sunday. My niece and her family were visiting and we were just finishing up eating lunch when my niece began telling me of a wonderful place to buy and sell items. It is on Facebook. It’s a section called Marketplace. Basically, you post pictures of stuff you want to sell, or you search for items you would like to buy. Neat! She then continued to share the joyous tale of how she had scored a great buy for her adorable little daughter. A coveted, two-foot high doll that she bought for a remarkably incredible price. And this, dear friends, is where my ordinary, uneventful day, went from zero to hero in seconds flat.
First, I need to tell you about the most coveted doll in North America. The original doll was called the American Girl doll. This two-foot wonder costs anywhere from $80.00 to $300.00 or more. She has outfits you can purchase for her (also stylishly and heftily priced). There are things your child and the doll can do together like go to the Hair Salon. Oh, the styling is not for your child, it’s for the DOLL to get HER hair done. There are spa features and parties you can plan for your doll; for a nice little price. What little girl wouldn’t want this super cool doll with a whole new life-style of her own?
With the fantastically great sale of this toy it was only a matter of time until the copycat dolls were rolled off the assembly line. These little beauties were priced a wee bit lower than their original counterpart. Finding a good deal for this doll was (and is) quite a challenge. Enter Facebook Marketplace.
As my niece was perusing items for sale on Facebook Marketplace she noticed a pretty doll, similar to the American doll called a Journey Girl doll. Asking price? $3.00. Wha-what??? Was this a posting error? Why so cheap? Well, my niece had to check into this deal. After contacting the seller she discovered that the price was correct. The lady selling the doll was moving to another country and did not want to pack and ship all the kids toys. Some things just had to go. So the lady confirmed that the Journey Girl doll was for sale for $3.00. Well wonder of wonders and call her Super Mom, because my niece was gung-ho to get this doll for her beloved little toddler.
“I couldn’t believe the deal I got!” explained my niece excitedly. “But then when I got there I realized why the price was so low,” she paused, took a sip of her coffee, “she smoked.”
“Ummmm….what?” I asked, stupefied. My brain heard the sentence. My brain was computing the statement and then my runaway train mind ran off the rails as it pictured the innocent little Journey Girl doll with a cigarette dangling from her bottom lip. My lips began to quake. My eyes began to water. My belly shook like a bowl full of jelly. I was laughing hysterically; internally.
“Are you ok?” inquired my niece.
“BAAAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAA!” I guffawed out loud and took a huge intake of breath. (*inquisitive look from my niece*) I shook my right hand back and forth in the air, as I gasped for oxygen. I needed to explain what was OBVIOIUSLY so funny because apparently she had not heard it.
Oh, yes, I knew she meant the person who “smoked” was the lady selling the doll, but read that sentence over again and you can see why my addled brain took the road to that funnier conclusion.
After I finally composed myself into an almost normal human being, I retold the story to all those present. The gentlemen in the room agreed with my interpretation and the LOL-ing continued. My beloved niece lowered her eyes at us. The look of “it’s not THAT funny” being understood.
That tale reminds me of something else I read. I hope you enjoy this one as much as I do.
Wife: Honey, please go to the supermarket and get a carton of milk. If they have bananas, get 6.
Husband returns with 6 cartons of milk.
Wife: Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?!
Husband (confused): BECAUSE THEY HAD BANANAS
Um…yeah. Get it? Got it? Good.
So, next time remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. It’s all in the delivery.