Funny Thoughts

With Love, From Your Future Conscience

Leave a comment

‘Tis the season.  The season for weddings.  I have a lovely collection of invitations at home for upcoming weddings this year.  Some are taking place close to home, while others are at least a 6 hour drive away.  All of them are family weddings.  Coming from a large family means that I shall be receiving invitations for a long time to come.  Initially it was cousins’ weddings and now their kids are getting married.  The celebrations continue.  Family get-togethers abound and and there is always the “OMG I haven’t seen you in forever” which, by the end of the night leads up to, “we MUST stay in touch” phrase.  Indubitably, this does not occur, but the desire for it is honest and true.  All this brings me to ponder wedding celebrations and what brides (and/or grooms) consider to be most important.

Wiseguy and I had an interesting wedding.  It began with the intimate proposal.  It was so passionate.  We were in the kitchen of our apartment and Wiseguy looked at me and said, “Wanna get married?”  My equally romantic reply, “OK.”  (See, we are huge romantics aren’t we?)  Wiseguy picked the date of the wedding.  “How about April 1st?”  LOL!  (April Fool’s Day!)   That would’ve been awesome!  So true to our personalities.  But then he changed his mind.  He pondered and asked, “how about Valentine’s Day?”  Now that was sweet.  Then he continued his thought:  “That way I won’t forget our anniversary and you won’t have to kill me.”  I love that man.

We had just over a month to plan our “perfect” wedding.  It wasn’t going to be elaborate.  In our eyes, the most important thing to us was that the kids were part of our wedding day.  Wiseguy actually thought it would be even better if we asked them for their approval before proceeding with any plans.  They agreed that our getting married was a fine idea.  We were initally just going to hop a plane to Vegas, but not having the kids be part of it was not what we wanted.  Family was always very important to us.

I had a wedding gown that had been given to me when my SIL was closing up her wedding gown consignment business.  Brand new gown and only 5 years old.  Still not too old to be in style.  We got Wiseguy into a cool tux with a funky purple, pink vest.  (The Princess still remembers the special, pretty dress we bought her for the occasion.) We got married at high noon (shot gun wedding right?) at city hall.  Our reception venue…a little odd.  I had a friend who was vegetarian and at the time I had no idea what venue would be best, foodwise, so that everyone’s pallets would be happy.  Then I had a brilliant idea!  I reserved a section at a well known restaurant.  The Mandarin…Chinese buffet.  Yup, I wandered around the buffet line in my beautiful gown.  Did I care?  Nope…I was having the time of my life because I was there with my new husband.  It was great!  Just some family and friends and some great laughs. We had our picture taken by one of the wait staff.  It was given to us in a “Happy Birthday” frame.  Neat right? Memorable?  Absolutely.  (I still have that polaroid picture and the frame it came in.)

If I was to do it over again would I change anything?  Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t.  Definitely not your typical style proposal nor wedding, but for me, it was perfect. I have been to extravagant weddings in halls with huge chandeliers and a harpist playing as you entered.  The food was gourmet and there was French service for the dinner.  There was a 5 piece band playing.  I have been to weddings in less extravagant halls.  All decorated by the bride and her crew of bridesmaids and ushers.  The food was delivered on platters and you served yourself.  There was no band, but there was a dj providing the entertainment.  I have been to many a wedding and many a different venue.  What was the most important part to me about each wedding?  I enjoyed myself the most when the bride and groom were enjoying themselves. 

Here is a small note I would like to dedicate to future brides and grooms: 

Dear brides and grooms.  Your wedding day is special.  Brides, you will feel like a princess because the man you love is there beside you, waiting to become your husband.  As long as your family and friends are with you, you will feel the love and happiness that they are sharing with you that day.  You have your bridesmaids and ushers there to help you out and make the day a wonderful occasion for you.  Use them.  They are a vital part of making your day fantastic.  The most important thing about your wedding day is to love every minute of it.  Enjoy your day.  Laugh a lot.  If anything goes wrong…laugh it off.  It will make for great stories later.  Your wedding day is a one-day spectacular and special event.  Make it a memorable one.  Love…your future conscience.  XOXO

Remember to look up…

Leave a comment

Does your brain have these kinds of thoughts running through it:  I hope there isn’t a big line up at the grocery store.  Just have to grab a few things and then go home and let the dogs out quickly.  I have to drop off my library books because they are due back today.  Oh I must remember to get a new battery for my watch.  I hope that meat is thawed for dinner.  What else should I make with it?  Darn, forgot about the dry cleaning.  I’ll get that tomorrow.  No, drat, I can’t.  I need that shirt for tomorrow.  I was having a typical crazy day like that.  Then something happened.   I had to stop at yet ANOTHER red light.  Aw….c’mon!  This is a long light too!  I huffed and puffed and looked at the clock then sat back and looked up.  I smiled.  I forgot how beautiful the sky was.

So, I sat there at this everlasting, red-light, intersection, and smiled like a crazy person.  I saw the puffy white clouds just hanging around.  I saw two birds chirping and whizzing about each other, just playing and having fun.  Then a bee flew by (ok, I closed my window for that one) but it was pretty.  Then I noticed the escarpment and how pretty the trees looked in the afternoon sun.  Deep breath and relax.  I thought, “I will make it to every place I need to be and everything will be fine.”

I do believe in a higher being.  Being Catholic I grew up with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  I have read up on other religions as well.  There is always a god of some sort.  There is something that watches over us and if we actually just believe that everything will be fine, and let this higher being take control, our lives will be easier.

I have found that the older I get the more I realize what is most important in life.  I will play and cuddle with my dogs instead of vacuuming.  Dust will always be there (and it will outlive me), but spending happy times with those around me is what matters most.  I stress a lot less about cleaning. 

I used to actually collapse into a dishevelled pile in a corner whenever I just finished cleaning and then found crumbs, again, on the floor.  WHY ME!  Crazy right?  I do think about how my “perfection problem” used to affect everyone.  I would want every meal perfect.  I would want my house spotless.  If something was not going right I would lose my mind and yell at the people I most cared about.  Why?  Why did I find inanimate objects to be more important than the living, breathing people and animals around me?  That was an awakening moment.

Now, if a meal screws up or I run out of time, no biggie.  I know that everything will be fine.  I will have my internal peace and those people who love me won’t care if everything is perfect.  Those that aren’t particularly my biggest fans, well, I realize that I can’t and won’t be everyone’s favourite person.  My opinion of myself is what matters most.  By loving myself, and who I am, I can’t help but be a happier person and those around me will be happier too (mostly because I won’t be freaking out on everyone). 

Sure, I still have my meltdown moments (Wiseguy can attest to that).  It usually happens when I think I’m all on my own doing everything.  When I remember to look up and see how everything is working out fine for wildlife, I realize that the universe is taking care of me as well, if I would just let it.  Have some faith and go with the flow.

How hot was it ?

Leave a comment

“It was so hot, that while driving home, I believe my underwear melted.”  This was the comment I made to co-workers back in 2001.  My awesome Toyota Tercel decided that since it was volcano temperature outside, it would be best for my air conditioning to stop working.  Boo hoo for me.

I believe I am a magnet for failed air conditioning systems.  Honestly.  In 2010, on the hottest day of the year, the air conditioning unit in the building conked out.  We needed a new thinga-ma-jiggy.  Since the building was old, the part would hopefully be in, (yes, hopefully) within 2 days.  Luckily, it was ONLY two days.  It was difficult trying to figure out what to wear as NAKED was not an option.  My profession (phone picker upper and paper filer) does not allow for that type of wardrobe.  As such, summer dresses that absorbed all heat related moisture were the winners of those two days.

Flash forward.  The year is 2011.  The place is still the same building.  The inspection at the beginning of spring for the air conditioning:  “Yes, it’s all working well, but your fan might need replacing in the A/C unit”.  Uh huh.  Didn’t get a good vibe off that report.  Now, what do you think happened?  Weather report:  “Heat advisory is in effect for….”   NO!  Not again!  Day one of sweltering summer and….hmmm, all is well.  Air is on.  Coolness in the building.  Great!  Day two…back in the building and internal temperature reads:  Dante’s inferno.  How comforting.  Much better news when repair technician showed up.  He had “connections” so he would be back with the part in the morning.  As in NEXT morning?  Waaaaaaah!

I do realize that it’s that time of year again.  Summer!  How exciting!  Fantastically wonderful for all you sun worshippers and pool owners.  Those who despise our Canadian winters can’t wait for this time of year.

I myself prefer fall.  That time of year when all you need is a light sweater to be comfortable.  There is nothing dripping off the edge of your nose.  There are NO mosquitos.  You rarely get sunburned in the fall.   The foliage changes to such wonderful colours.  You can sit around a campfire and roast marshmallows because it’s not too cold and not too hot.  See, all these positives.  Yay autumn!

So, you summer-loving-sun-lovers…I need you to explain to me WHY this is your preferred season?  I really am trying to find the good points, but losing pints of sweat is not a bonus in my books.  Laying very still every night on my bed, wide awake, as I wait to feel a bit of chill off the ceiling fan on my hot feet.  Even trying to find a cold spot on the bed…that’s like trying to find a parking spot at the mall at christmastime…virtually IMPOSSIBLE!  The thought of turning my stove on…ugh.  The thought of ice cream for dinner is a definite possibility.  At least I am not adding to the unbearable heat.

I am sure I will hear the lecture about the “dry” heat compared to “humid” heat.  Yes, opening my door to leave the house reminds me of opening my oven door…except there is no yummy smell.  It’s a wall of hot air that stifles my breathing.  (This is only comparable to its polar opposite of extreme cold in wintertime.  You know…that first deep breath of cold air that will make your lungs want to collapse.)

Quick flashback…remember the days of yore when there was no air conditioning?  The family would pack up bed sheets and / or the top mattress and bring it all downstairs into the cool, dank basement so that you could get some sleep.  My parents grew up with many siblings and were used to sleeping together in one room.  Ixnay for that working with our family.  There were body odours and the accidentally released (hee hee) gases that would fumigate the room.  BUT…at least it was cooler.  During the day you would pretend to get water from the kitchen sink…then sneak some open- fridge-door-cooling-off time.  My mother could hear that fridge door every time.  You tried anyway and the reward was worth it.  Aaaaaahhhh, cool cool air.

So here we are again.  Extreme heat warning.  Drink lots of water.  Find places that have air conditioning.  Don’t think about the air conditioning at work.  No need to let IT know that summer is here.   Think cool thoughts.  If all else fails, I’ll just keep checking the flyers for sales on underwear. 

I’m back!

Leave a comment

Did you miss me?  Maybe yes, maybe no, but let me tell you why I have not been blogging my little fingers off.

Wiseguy and I went to Europe.  No, it was not a last-minute decision.  We had booked our tickets back in February and the day had finally arrived for us to fly away and have a wonderful vacation in Europe.

Normal people book the summer off and jet away.  They take at least 3 to 4 weeks to enjoy the historical beauty of Europe.  In case you haven’t realized it yet, Wiseguy and I are not “normal” people.  I prefer the title of “unique” people.  As such, Wiseguy and I decided that we could really only be away for 10 days.  So it began.

We landed in Munich, Germany.  We drove for 8 hours down to a cozy little village in Croatia where FIL was anxiously awaiting our arrival.  After we unfurled ourselves from the mini car…ahem,  I mean “compact” car….we sat down and enjoyed our arrival.  We had driven from Munich through Austria, Slovenia, and into Croatia.  It was a looooooooooooooooong, but beautifully scenic, drive. 

The next morning we awoke to the sound of chirping birds…and the occasional crowing rooster.  We sat outside and enjoyed our new surroundings.  The panoramic mountains off in the distance.  We breathed in the fresh air.  Mind you, every once in a while you would get that one swirl of wind that would bring your nose to attention.  The smell of fresh manure from the neighbouring cows.  Mooo to you too!  I had a buddy goat that lived next door to FIL’s house.  (He belongs to the gypsy clan.  Yes, FIL’s neighbours are gypsies.)   As I would look at my goat friend he would baaa aaaaah at me.  Basically he was telling me to leave him alone while he grazed happily on his breakfast of grass and weeds. The neighbours also had two pigs of a variety I had never seen before.  One was black and the other was black and white.  The black and white was wasn’t speckled or striped.  His head and front two hoofs were white and then, I guess he got hit with paint or something, because his back half was black.  Unique right?  They also had a horse and old wooden buggy like they had on Little House on the Prairie. 

Honestly, being in Europe is like a time warp.  You have the modern stores in the cities but you drive 20 minutes out, village way, and BAM… farms and farm animals.  Nothing has changed.  The houses are the old cement and brick houses.  Some of them are old wood paneling.  The large vineyards there have been passed along from generation to generation.  Old ladies are wearing the babushkas on their heads and they have the trademark large, roundish black skirts with navy blue aprons.  They wander through their fields picking weeds out by hand.  Time warp right?

I will slowly share my adventures in Europe with you.  Traveling through Europe and taking millions of pictures to share with my family, was wonderful.  But being home and being able to hug and hold my family…that’s the best trip of all.  Welcome home!

Escape to the Believably Unbelievable

Leave a comment

I went to the movies today.  I cashed in one arm and half a leg to go and see The Avengers.  Yes, I did.  (Only half a leg as I cashed in points, or sold a relative, or something, in order to obtain a free ticket.  Next family reunion I will figure out who is missing.)  Was it worth it?  You betcha!

Just to be clear, I only go to see movies on the big screen when there is stuff being blown up and there’s lots of action.  Chick flicks I prefer to rent.  Same with comedies.  For some reason, I just love action movies on the huge screen.  Even better, this one was done in 3D!  Everything was flying right at me!  I was there in the movie!  No gun in hand or anything, but call me a casual bystander in the scenario.

This is a good year for movies.  This year is full of action movies.  The Avengers was a great start.  SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    (Poor New York…can’t imagine the tax increases due to restructuring after those evil things rip apart the city).  Then Dark Knight Rises comes out soon too. ( Hmmmm, there goes Gotham City.)  Now that brings me to Snow White and the Huntsman.  (I figure a whole forest gets burnt down and a castle might crumble.)  The trailers are fantastic!  Super Evil Queen!  Great acting!  And the Thor actor becomes a Hunter.  How cool is that?  (Can’t imagine the workout that man has to do in order to get biceps that big.)

I am not a regular movie goer.  I do believe there are certain movies that should be seen on the big screen to get the full effect.  Not only do you get surrounded by the activities on-screen, but the people are almost life-size (and especially in 3D).  You are now THERE!  You are in the movie!  You are part of it!  I must admit that with so much computer technology the impossible happens, but isn’t that what movies are supposed to be about?  It’s an escape.

In case I haven’t mentioned this earlier, I was a history student.  So, here is a bit of a history lesson for you.  During the Great Depression and during both World Wars, people went to the movies.  People went to the theatre.  People were entertained through radio programs.  It was all about escaping the reality around them for just a little while.

I escaped into another world today.  The acting was fantastic.  If I can believe the character’s persona then I am hooked.  That is good acting.  There are many good actors/actresses and I do appreciate being entertained properly. 

The Avengers also had what I appreciate most in storylines.  I LOVE humour.  The sarcasm, the surprising comments that make you chuckle.  The funny actions that probably make the actors want to pee with laughter after they hear “CUT”. 

Today, I just decided to share my joy of seeing a fantastic movie.  Fantastic…as in fantasy….suspend belief and just sit back and enjoy. 

Thank you to The Debater and The Artist for telling me to drop my other boring, drab duties and just escape for awhile into the film world.  I had a remarkably fun time and can’t wait for Wiseguy to see this movie!

Yup, ready to go to bed soon….just signing off this loan payment for my popcorn.

Is That Left or Right?

Leave a comment

I am navigationally challenged.  Yes, truly a surprise isn’t it?  I definitely do not consider myself a “woman driver”.  Sometimes I will go faster than the allowable speed limit.  I have rolled at stop signs.  Such a rebel right?  Wiseguy tells me all the time that I am a woman driver.  Today I thought I would share with you what I think would apply to this stereotype and then we shall vote on whether or not I qualify.  Here goes.

  1. When someone gives you directions while you are driving and they tell you to go south at the off ramp, you ask, “is that left or right?”
  2. A person, of the male persuasion, draws a map for you showing you streets and directions.  You take said map, bring it to a female who, in turn, updates your map with the most necessary words and diagrams.  This includes:  you pass the mall then you go left.  Two lights then right at the gas station.  Past the library and it’s the little white house on the corner with the red car in the driveway.  (a.k.a. Chick Map)
  3. You don’t remember what side your gas tank is on because your husband / boyfriend / friend always fills up the tank for you
  4. You are stuck trying to get out of the mall because of heavy traffic.  You edge in slowly, block traffic and give your most beautiful “sorry, woman driver please let me in” smile
  5. You turn your signal light on waaaaaaaaaaay before you are actually turning off anywhere
  6.  When the brake lights of the car in front of you turn on, you automatically slam on the brakes. 
  7. You end up stalling highway traffic to let someone, driving very slowly, merge in front of you. 
  8. Change a tire?  Never.  Cry for help
  9. You hear an unfamiliar grinding noise.  You turn the radio up to tune out the noise.
  10. Your house is immaculately clean.  Your car will get clean on the outside when it rains.  The grit on the inside will hopefully get blown away when you open the car door.

If you answered YES to some (or most) of these, then welcome to the Woman Driver’s League  (a.k.a the Injustice League). 

We women love to declare that we are great drivers.  Studies have shown that women have fewer accidents, ergo, we are safer drivers.  I shared this information with Wiseguy.  His comment was simple:   “You’re right.  Studies show you have fewer accidents.  Incidentally, it’s your dysfunctional driving that is the cause of them.”  I think he’s absolutely wrong.  He must be.  (Rule of marriage is that I’m always right.  If he is right…well, there are never any witnesses.)

Ok, so maybe, in a wee bitty little way, he could be ….he could be…nope…I ain’t gonna say it, but maybe there is an ounce of truth in this concept.  If people would learn to speed up to merge then I wouldn’t have to be nice and slow down.  Right?  Yup, that’s their fault.  And holding up traffic to let someone out of the mall, that is a kindness as well, and we really be kind to our fellow-man.  Right? 

For now, I’ll just agree to disagree with him on this one.  Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic. 

Me, I have some urgent business to attend to.  Must find a female who knows landmarks for this weekend’s getaway.  Stupid maps   : (

Pizza Presto

Leave a comment

I LOVE pizza!  Always have and always will.  To me, there is something just so tasty and comforting about pizza.  If you get the right sauce combination, you know, not too spicy, but fragrant enough with the right herbs, you have built the best base to start your layering of a fabulous pizza masterpiece. 

I have purchased frozen store pizzas to mangia.  Then I switched to making my own homemade dough (via bread maker).  I found it was much tastier.  On quickie dinner nights,  I have purchased a slab pizza, from the local bakery.  It is a baked slab with just pizza sauce.  I add my choice of delicious toppings and..voila!  Dinner in 30 minutes. (I love chopping and slicing everything by hand.  Makes me feel like a real professional chef!)

My Vegetarian Mushroom Red Pepper and Green Onion Pizza pre-oven time.  Look at all those colours!

Then there was the day that I was craving pizza and had no dough.  I also had no desire to wait for homemade dough, and absolutely no desire to go to store to buy some dough.  What to do?

 Necessity is the mother of invention. I foraged through my fridge and found Greek pita bread.  (They are different from regular pitas in that you can’t stuff them.)  I noticed that they are the thickness of a thin crust pizza and really, all I needed was a vessel that would carry my pizza toppings.

So it began.  I  pulled out a pita, put on pizza sauce, layered some shredded mozzarella on top, topped that with chopped onions, then some mushrooms, and finally tomato slices.  I decided to forgo the pepperoni that day.  That adventure could be saved for another day.  Instead of turning the oven on, I put that into the toaster over on 400 degrees for 15 minutes.  Molto bene!  Fantastic!  Personal pizza ready in 20 minutes.  Mmmmmm!

This discovery has also assisted me in many ways since.  Since they are really “personal size”, I could top each one with whatever the kids liked to have on it.  Some preferred more meat, some preferred more veggies.  In the end, there was something for everyone.

This has become my go-to hot appetizer as well.  I cut each pita into 8 wedges and ta-da!  Little mini pizza hors d’oeuvre.  Very pretty too.

Vary the recipe as well.  Use Bononcini or goat cheese instead of mozzarella.  Use an olive oil, with garlic infusion, instead of pizza sauce. 

Pizza really is a versatile dish.  Easy to make, easy to eat, and just makes your taste buds feel sooooo happy.

Hmmmm, I’m kind of craving some pizza right now.  Mmmmmm.  How about you?

My Vegetarian Mushroom Red Pepper and Green Onion Pizza AFTER baking!